Tag Archives: review

Technology

Gamefly = Superfly

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The marketing people at Gamefly probably are trying to figure out how to send me a check for that one, but anonymity is far too important for an ass like me to give up contact info on a public forum. Instead, I would ask that they donate the money to a young aspiring nurse, cuz the world needs more nurses. I suggest going to a local strip club, cuz I met a bunch of ladies there who were going to college to be nurses, naughty, sparkly nurses.

If you own an XBOX 360, with the exception of Call of Duty 2 and Elder Scrolls: Oblivion, I haven’t found a single other came that required more than a few days of my time to be finished with them. In the 3 weeks I had Oblivion with Gamefly I saved an assload of cash (though I am sure I will buy a used copy some day to play it again). For all the other games I got on Gamefly, there was not a single one that had any replay value in my opinion. Most of them I would have actually been quite mad about if I had purchased them at full price. Before Gamefly I researched purchases quite a bit, and was much more cautious with the games I tried, so on the plus side I guess, I tried some games that I would not have considered otherwise, and, of course, they sucked.

This is leads me to what really what makes Gamefly rock. See, most reviewers are soulless whores of the gaming industry. Then only decent reviews I have read in quite a while were at Penny-Arcade, while reading their comics. Seriously, their comics are one of the only sources of decent game reviews I have found, which is kind of like watching the daily show for news. For some reason, the idiots at all the major game sites figure you won?t remember the steaming pile of crap that they gave an 8.5 out of 10 to when you are reading their next ?review?.

The bottom line with Gamefly is that it saves a ton of cash. For $15 a month, I avoid buying $60 games. Simple math is that in 4 months I have spent what it would have cost for a single game, but I played 10 of them, which would have put me back $600. I would have played fewer games if some of them had been a bit better, but that hardly makes the service less compelling. The only ?downside? of Gamefly is that it is a bit slower than NetFlix, but then I live like 40 miles from a regional NetFlix center, so I usually have single day shipment from them (yes, I send a movie on Monday, it gets to them Tuesday, and I get my next one on Wednesday, which is pretty cool).

In the extended entry (if it works) are some mini-reviews from some of the games I played from Gamefly (not all were for the 360, but I need to fill in between their release schedule):
Continue reading Gamefly = Superfly →

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Technology

The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion

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Finally picked this up, and am just getting the hang of it. For a more detailed review by far better gamers than I (Masterchief and Zbalance) read these comments. Haven’t had much time to play, but was disappointed with the lack of online help and the pamphlet of a manual. Yes, I’m one of those geeks who reads the manual before he does something.

Coming from WOW, I’m used to automated updates and tons of UI mods. Oblivion has many content mods built with their construction set, but very few UI mods. No nifty Lua scripting engine to make UI tweaks easy. Another interesting file type available, surprising because it’s been forever since I’ve played “adventure games”, are saved games! One useful one puts you right after the tutorial (with all possible loot) and right before you choose your final stats. I’m also used to many dedicated strategy sites, including a few professional ones. There are far fewer for Oblivion, and IGN has decided to charge a subscription for their guide. Booooo! Anyway, I found some useful links that I thought I’d post. If you have more, please let everyone know by commenting. Thanks!

Oblivion Character Creation Tips
Lockpicking Made Easy!
The Alchemy FAQ

I could really use a guide on magic. And a game that didn’t hang when you switched to window-mode.

Edit: The game now crashes my system, apparently due to some video driver or performance issue (and I have a decent card: Radeon X800 Pro). I recommend others hold off until a general bugfix patch is released.

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Film

V for Vendetta Veneration

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Yep, I liked it, allot. I liked just about everything about it. Casting, cinematography, choreography, costumes, the way they were able to put together intelligent and interesting dialogue that had every letter starting with the same letter (they used V, not C like I was doing until I ran out of words). The dialogue was so good I was convinced that Kevin Smith must have been involved with the screenplay until I saw the credits. I think the reason I enjoyed V for Vendetta the most was because it didn’t feel like the regular Hollywood script written by a committee of idiots, steered by marketing monkeys and studio nitwits. Usually, in the process of dumbing down a script to feed it to the target audience, they ensure that there is a clear and simple message, yet in this case it wasn’t that way at all. Is the terrorist a good guy? See it and think about all his actions for a full day before you answer. It wasn’t complex or deep so much as fully developed in ways that are refreshing in modern cinema. Furthermore, the main ?non-spoiler? plot theme was that an oppressive government with religious overtones is bad (aka the big bad republicans if it had been written in Hollywood), yet I recognized a few quotes made by the good guy from NRA speeches and propaganda!

Of course, I LOVED Natalie, and not just in a venereal way (adj relating to sex acts or sexual desire). She rocked in at least 7 different ways that I counted. She should be in every movie that deserves her, which sadly is not that many. When she did that thing to that guy, damn, it was like, wow! (You try to write a review without spoilers.) Now, I know there will be some who will disagree with me here, but I actually loved her English accent, and I had watched Pride and Prejudice the night before (for her sexalicious clone, Kierra, who also was amazing, of course).

The actor playing the lead was also astounding. He was able to put more feeling and emotion in scenes while covered from head to toe in his costume, including the mask and hat, than most Hollywood ?actors? would be able to express if they were set on fire naked! Truly an amazing performance. Same with the lead antagonist. His speeches were scary good. I hope he never moves to Germany and runs for political office. Overall, I can’t think of the any of the main cast that wasn’t great. Bravo all around. I recommend the movie with all the credibility as a movie aficionado that I deserve.

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Film

Ultraviolet? No, Ultracrappy.

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I’m typically not a hater, because there’s so much good stuff out there; I’d rather spend my time praising things I love. Also, film is subjective, and I don’t want to stop you from seeing something you might like. I am making an exception because a) Ebert didn’t review it (they probably didn’t let him screen it), and b) I am very confident you won’t like this film.
     Yes, I do see a lot of art, classic, and independent films, so you might discount my opinion based on that alone. But I have also seen both Resident Evil and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Ok, I didn’t really like those, either, but both are much better films than this. I’ll break it down for you, as spoiler free as possible. Again, when I say something is bad, I mean bad compared to Resident Evil, not Citizen Cane. Heck, not even The Fifth Element.

+ The plot is, “Milla mows down soldiers effortlessly.” That’s pretty much it. Ever play an arcade game with a cheat code that gives you infinite ammo, energy, and lives? It’s kinda like that, only instead of infinite lives, you only get one. So it makes you invincible! This is an action movie with no real conflict. Very shortly into the film, you realize Milla is never in any danger, ever, because she’s just that good. There are other plot points, but they are confusing and poorly explained.
+ The effects are mediocre, except the last sequence, which is really bad. This is probably because they spent all this money on some stupid blur effect on everyone’s face to make them look digitally airbrushed, all the time. I’m sorry, but have you seen Milla Jovovich? Because she’s really hot! She does not need any airbrushing!
+ It appears that camerawork and editing are used to hide lousy fight choreography. However, the movie is only PG-13, so that also may have contributed to the lousy fight choreography.
+ Action heroes spend so much time kicking ass, they don’t have much time to talk. Therefore, it’s crucial that their lines are clever and memorable. Milla gets lines that painfully state the obvious. It would have been better if most of her lines were dropped.
+ If you’re not turned off by now, the only thing that will possibly stop you from seeing this is a reminder that it’s PG-13. That’s right, when she “gets naked”, they make sure you can’t see a darn thing. It’s only there to frustrate you.

So what can you watch instead? Well it turns out the writer/director is not an idiot. He did another action movie set in a future dystopia called Equilibrium. It stars Christian Bale (with a good supporting cast) and it’s actually quite good! It’d probably make a good double feature with Batman Begins. If you were really after Milla, rent The Fifth Element. Yeah, it can be cheesy and over the top (it’s a Luc Besson film, what do you expect?), and Chris Tucker is pretty annoying in it. But it’s also pretty entertaining, and you get a gorgeous 22 year old Milla wearing nothing but a few strips of gauze expertly designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier. I give it 3 thumbs up.

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Internet, Music

yourmusic.com – Can Anyone Beat This?

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I recently signed up with CD service yourmusic.com, and so far it’s the best deal in music I’ve seen. If you’re familiar with Netflix, the concept is similar (no, you’re not renting CDs). You go through their catalog and add CDs to your queue. Every month, the CD at the top of your queue is sent to you and your credit card is charged, until you quit the club.
Here is the amazing part. Cost of the CD? $6. Oh, cost with tax? $6. Cost with tax and shipping, you ask? $6. Wanna buy more CDs? $6. Cost per disc for box sets and double albums? $6. Cost if your queue is empty at your “time of the month”? $6 (and they don’t ship you anything).

That’s it. Frankly, I don’t see why you couldn’t just sign up, buy all the CDs you want at $6 each, and then quit. At worst, you leave one CD in the queue if they require a 30-day notice (which they don’t state, I’m just speculating).
My price threshold for CDs at a store is $12 for a disc I really want, otherwise $10 because they?re gonna tax me. Half.com has some great deals, but their shipping charge is $3 per disc. So, for me, this is a pretty stunning deal. Heck, I just saw Coldplay?s X&Y at Sam Goody (yeah, I know) for $20! Who the heck pays that? Hmm, yourmusic.com doesn’t offer that CD, so perhaps that’s a bad example…

The catch? None, really. Shipping isn?t instantaneous. I signed up on a Sunday morning (1/15), they shipped it on Tuesday (1/17) and it arrived today (1/26). About average for free shipping. Their selection isn?t stellar, about 14,000 CDs, but I was still able to find a few good ones. Reviewers elsewhere pointed out that CDs sometimes disappear from your queue, so if you really want something, you might want to order it while you know you can still get it. The only issue for me is that Rhapsody fulfills most of my listening needs, so I?m only buying CDs that are great as a whole, and something I?d want to listen to in the car. When I get a subscription-capable MP3 player, my need may disappear altogether. Until then, my queue is loaded.

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Internet, Music

Rhapsody.com Review

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On a lark, I subscribed to the Rhapsody Unlimited music subscription service, lured in the by their 14-day free trial ($10/month after that). I had fun with Pandora, but wanted to try something that gave me more control over what I listened to. In this case, complete control. Rhapsody has over 1.3M songs, and gives you the power to listen to any of them in any order. That sounds like a lot, and it is, but you’ll still run across missing albums, and occasionally missing artists. At least they have a button that reveals all of an artist’s missing albums.

Listening on the go

One of the benefits of the Unlimited service is Rhapsody To Go, which allows you to download tracks to a compatible portable device (the ones that say Subscription). There are 3 catches in that statement: 1) you are a current Rhapsody Unlimited subscriber, 2) your MP3 player is Janus/PlaysForSure compatible (iPods aren’t), and 3) you’re using Windows XP. And 4 catches if you include the fact that not all Rhapsody tracks are Subscription tracks, but in my experience almost all are. The quality of purchased and downloaded tracks is 128K, in WMA, AAC, or MP3.

Since I don’t see myself dropping the service anytime soon, I’m highly motivated to get a Subscription compatible player. Because I’d like an expandable player, I’m leaning towards the Sandisk e200 with a microSD slot, removable recharbable battery, FM tuner, and voice recorder, due out in March (happy birthday to me). [Attention Sandisk: when your marketing dept. launches a product at CES, without so much as a press release on your website, it’s time to fire them.]

Listening at home

You can listen two ways, through their web interface or their dedicated client. I usually use the client/jukebox software for its interface and convenience features. If you add a track to your library, it can download it so you can listen to it even when the site is down (which happens occasionally). Assuming you’re a current subscriber, of course, and are using Windows XP (I’m guessing it’s a DRM issue). You can purchase tracks for $.89 and albums for $7.99.

I don’t know how much music I listened to before, but I find with Rhapsody I listen to about 3 albums a night. It allows me to more thoroughly explore artists and genres. I find I’ll listen to classic rock musicians from past to present, until they start sucking (which happens pretty consistently as they approach the 1980s), and indie musicians from present to past, for pretty much the same reasons. I’m generalizing, but there’s definitely a pattern there, and it’s cool to see how the artists evolve (or devolve).

They also have several pre-programmed radio stations to help you explore new stuff, and allow you to create a station based on your tastes, like Pandora. I haven’t tried the custom station feature, and would be impressed if it was as good as Pandora, but I’ve been too busy albums to check.

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Film

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Spoiler-free Review

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Granted, there’s not a huge reason to review this film. It’s the fourth in a fantastic series; if you’re reading this, there’s little chance you’re going to miss it. Because that would be stupid. So I’ll just provide some supplemental material to make you a more informed viewer.

First, Alfonso Cuaron gets the gas face. This bastard (who directed Prisoner of Azkaban) convinced Goblet of Fire director Mike Newell to NOT do a Kill Bill and create two movies from the book, released a few months apart. That was the original, glorious plan. While the movie is great as is, it does a major hatchet job on the plot in the book. As a result, many subplots and nuances are removed; the Dursleys and Molly and Percy Weasley don’t even show up. This is a sad way to treat a great book. To those who were planning on watching the movie and skipping the book to get onto the others, that’s no longer an option. You would be doing yourself a huge disservice, not to mention making books 5 and 6 a bit harder to understand.

And as Agent Assassin asked, didn’t the producers want to make twice as much money? You’d think with an extra $300M+ at stake, they could have paid off Cuaron to convince Newell to do the extra movie. Or just paid Newell extra to do it (he only got $1M, vs. $10M + percentage of gross for Sorcerer’s Stone director Chris Columbus).

Speaking of Cuaron, he declined directing Goblet of Fire because he said he’d still be working on Prisoner of Azkaban. This answers the question of how they’re getting them out so quickly (one every 1.5 years) – overlapping production. Must be quite the marathon for the actors.

Speaking of actors, Emma Watson is definitely coming of age. As Ms. Watson is (ahem) a few years my junior, I thought my mind should perhaps not be wandering in that direction. Then I found out every other guy thinks she’s hot, so it’s ok. Heck, Ebert called it when she was 12, in his Chamber of Secrets review. There are, in fact, two “countdown to 18” clocks for Emma, even though the age of consent in England is 16:

http://www.jonnydigital.com/countdowns/emma-watson (love the anime drawing)
http://www.espudd.com/articles/other/emma.php

Of course, for those worried about not looking as good as the actors in the film, another bit of trivia from the IMDB said they used computers to digitally remove any skin outbreaks, as makeup wasn’t cutting it in in the closeups. Amusingly they said they used the same process as Desperate Housewives, confirming that it doesn’t get any better with age.

I was asked to comment on watchability for kids, since this is the first Harry Potter film to get the PG-13 rating. While there is some scary/creepy imagery, it’s not very gory. Some dead bodies, sure. However, I definitely think it’s tamer than Star Wars III. If your kid’s 13, go for it. Especially if you can see it at the Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, that would be an experience they’d long remember. Heck, it almost makes me wish I had kids to share it with. Almost. Please don’t send me your kids.

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Music, Technology

Tomorrow is Yesterday

The title sounds like a good name for a Star Trek episode. Wait, it is. Oh well, it still captures my theme for this message: that some of the answers to our current-day dilemmas can be found in the technology of the past. Case in point: the Digisette MP3 cassette player. Better than your iPod, let me explain.

I still remember the days of the big debate between two different types of automobile CD-changers. Some folks preferred the type which mounted in your trunk and would beam the sound to your FM radio. “No fuss, no wiring muss” was the battle cry. You could just plop this product in your car and it would work instantly. Instantly, through your dopey, static-filled radio. Audiophiles rightly decried this monstrosity and preferred the wired models. Sure, they were a hassle to install, but they delivered crisp sound to your speakers, sound that was carried on shining, 12 gauge copper wire. The difference was apparent to any ear, whether refined or not.

Which brings me back to the current dilemma facing iPod owners: you now own a device that carries your entire collection of music (and more), but you can’t easily play it in your car without using an FM transmitter or some sort of cassette adapter plugged into your car radio. Either of those solution introduces a tangle of wires and a headache both aesthetic and operational. Do you dare risk a car accident while trying to find your favorite music or trying to reach your windshield wiper controls over a tangle of wires?? And how about the poor quality of FM-transmitted music ?? How easily the masses forego the high quality of car stereo sound by selling their souls to the ever-increasing capacity of the iPods of this world !

The elegant solution to this dilemma lies in a product from the past, one of the first breed of MP3 players which is now, sadly defunct. The Digisette MP3 player looks like a tape cassette that has been dipped in aluminum alloy. It is heavier than its analog cousin because its innards contain a fully workable MP3 player and a tiny amount of flash memory. Add a MMC memory card (a totally redundant name!) and you have yourself a bit less of 1Gig of memory for the road. And I do mean “for the road.” Pop this baby in your cassette player, and you have yourself a good 10-hours or equivalent CD capacity, easily accessible through your player’s FF and REW buttons. Elegant. The player pops into your cassette player (out of sight, out of mind) without a single wire in sight. And the sound: it is played directly to your car stereo’s cassette playback head. It is wonderful. If you wish to walk away from the car, you can always pop this beauty into the belt-clip holder provided with the player and plug-in your favorite headphones for a similar, portable sound experience.

Sure, the memory does not allow you to carry the Virgin Records library in your pocket. But the provided PC interface allows you load up a gaggle of MMC cards with your favorite tunes for a swappable library of surprising capacity. I use mine to listen to hours and hours of podcast material in my car; it is an invaluable ally against the poor FM reception I encounter on my way between Orange and San Diego counties.

Good luck trying to find this beautifully designed and amazingly geeky technical wonder. Although it fits my needs (and probably yours) to the fullest, it does not fit with the model that Steve Jobs and all of the iPod copycats are foisting on you: “Bigger is Better.” Don’t believe them. Size does NOT matter when you can’t use it where it counts the most: in the back of your car. The Digisette may be small, but that is its charm. It can do the job you really need, not the one you think you need. And it looks right at home in your car cassette deck. Just remember to buy a couple of spare batteries for it; you may be listening to it for hours and hours on end…….

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Technology

The Sounds of Thunder

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Recently I became the second member of The Crack Team (that I am aware of) to purchase a Sunfire Subwoofer. I got the Sunfire Signature which is 13″ x13″ x 13″ and cost $1000 (a steal!) used from someone I found through the www.Audiogon.com website. That website is a classified site for high-end audio equipment. Now, don’t let the diminutive size of the Sunfire fool you. It has a Bob Carver designed 2700 Watt Amplifier. Yes, that’s correct… 2700 Watts. It will output greater than 116 dB down to 16Hz and the throw on the 2 drivers is over 2 inches!! As an engineering feat it is simply amazing.

The 1st thing I did when I got home at 10PM that night was hook it up and fire up the DVD player. Master & Commander starts off with a bang (literally) and was used to test out the sub to see what I had gotten myself into. About 3 minutes into the movie Russel Crowe engages the enemy in a battle at sea with cannons blazing. The surround environment in this movie is awesome but the Sunfire added a new dimension to the movie that the old Onkyo (don’t laugh) subwoofer couldn’t touch. You felt like you were in the room with the canons due to the ground and walls shaking. Now granted, I did have the volume on the receiver and the gain on the sub set to a level higher than I would normally have them and I hadn’t calibrated the sound yet but the point was to see what it could do. It performed beyond my wildest dreams and the sub was only up to about 50% of its capacity. I would fear for the structural integrity of my home if I ever dared turn the gain to its maximum of +15 dB.

Since it was late I decided to go to bed. The next morning on the way out to lunch I ran into my neighbor from the house next door (separated by about 15 feet). She asked if I had enjoyed the movie the night before and said that she and her husband had originally thought they were hearing thunder until they realized what the sound was. I would like to thank my neighbor for validating $1000 well spent.

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Food

FAT ASTRO

Welcome to Agent Mystery’s ONE MINUTE RESTAURANT REVIEW. If it takes you more than one minute to read this, you must be an idiot. It’ true. I’ll prove it. Stopwatches out. And. GO!

Astro burger was founded in the 1900’s by a person with a dream. A dream to sell burgers and other prepared food items and to make money doing it. Historians believe this restaurant was the first to be founded on this principle, influencing cultures in all stretches of the world. That much we can take as scientific fact. But how can one explain the perfect zucchini stick? Now, you’re asking yourself, why one would try. And now you’re looking at your stopwatch and going, ‘it’s been forty seconds already? Am I retarded? And now you’re telling yourself, ‘No. I’m not. This review is retarded.’ And now you’re reassuring yourself that, ‘yes, it is in fact the review that is retarded.’ And only now are you ready to read the real review. Well, done. The student has indeed become the teacher.

ASTRO BURGER is a medium sized fifties diner setting with cool booths, each complete with occasionally working juke boxes on every table, so bring your quarters and a hankering for Elvis. There’s also an outdoor patio so bring your cigarettes. Or not. Maybe a coat? I don’t know. Use your common sense. You’re bound to see every type coming in for a bite. The gamut of Los Angeles runs through here nightly and steadily, right up until Four ‘o’ clock hour. That’s AM folks.

It’s a burgers and shakes, fifties rock, kind of place but it’s infused with today’s modern Los Angeles cravings. Mexican and Cali influences touch various dishes. Lots of Avocado on hand at this uniquely cool restaurant on the corner of Santa Monica and Gardner. It is also directly across the Street from FAT BURGER, which isn’t bad in it’s own right. It also just so happens to be diagonally across from the future sight of the CRACK TEAM’S Newest Restaurant, FAT ASTRO! I’m confident it will be one of the top three burger joints on that block.

Now, some notes for the unfamiliar on the MENU:

BURGERS

At Astro Burger, everything is freshly prepared. And all burgers come with the thousand island-chopped onions-crisp-shredded-lettuce-sliced-tomatoes compilation. I usually go for the Turkey burgers. Go bold and get the Bacon Avocado Cheeseburger. Or be dedicated to your health and your colon and grab their renowned Garden Burger. Both of these are considered “House Specialties.” Also in that category falls their pastrami burger, however, I haven’t felt myself get the urge to induce a heart attack, and frankly it doesn’t sound that good. One at a time, please. Thank you.

They’ve also got Buffalo burgers (which I ordered thinking it was some how covered in hot sauce…and then realized that I had just made a really dumb assumption and that even a burger covered in hot sauce didn’t sound very good to begin with) The Buffalo Burger is heavily seasoned and was a bit odd tasting but not bad at all. And the one I’ve yet to try but is seriously up for consideration is the Ostrich Burger. Actually made from, get this: Real Ostriches.

I don’t really have any qualms about eating Ostrich. I’ve only really seen them on TV but they just seem to act like total assholes. Y’know, kinda like the prick in high school that pushed kids into lockers. They probably taste good. Not the pricks in high school. The burgers, I mean.

FRESH MEX

All their mexican is good because the guys cooking are, um,…how you say…Mexican. Hombre, get the Quesadilla. You’ll thank me later. Ask for Sour Cream. They won’t give it to you without asking and they’ll charge you for it when you do.

SANDWICHES AND SALADS

Club Jr. and Fries is a great quick filling meal for six and a quarter. A good deal for this place. Pastrami sandwich is pretty good, though their menu clearly states, “Best in Town”. Other Pastrami Connoisseur’s believe Astro Burger’s statement is an attempt to insult the town. The Tuna Melt is a smart choice. I wouldn’t go for the steak sandwich though. But then again, I’ve never been a fan of rib-eye steak sandwiches. I’m a philly fan myself.

Side Note:(No matter what you hear, nobody in LA does a great Philadelphia Steak Sandwich. And as a rule, you definitely don’t buy it if they actually call it a “Philadelphia Steak Sandwich.”)

The Chicken Club once reigned supreme to my current norm, the Bacon Cheddar Turkey Burger. The Club has bacon and swiss on top of the large and fresh grilled chicken breast. They throw in a little mayo and BBQ sauce. It’s one club you’ll want to join. Ok. that was weak. Moving on.

Salads here are good and BIG so remember to ask for Extra Dressing. They very well might charge you for it. fifty cents bitch. CHAR CHICKEN is the way to go. I get mine with Blue Cheese but you don’t have to do everything I do. I mean this is flattering and all but c’mon.

They also have Fish and Chips here. Go ahead live dangerously. Ever wonder what Cod tastes like made at a burger joint twelve miles inland? Me neither.

SIDES

Now, my favorite thing they do with food, here. HOMEMADE ZUCCHINI. The perfect amount of breading on the perfect slice of zucchini fried to a nice crispy texture. They do it right. Somehow these guys have figured out how to make breaded and fried zucchini that doesn’t scorch your mouth with its boiling zucchini juice or that doesn’t turn to mush. Other places do okay. Maybe you’ll read about them in another blog. But NO ONE compares to Astro. All fried in Cholesterol-Free Canola Oil. They give you a large portion. That’s the only size they come in. You get two sides of a very tasty ranch dressing, which is thick and creamy and great for dipping your stick in. Maybe that’s not the best way to put it. Either way, you’ll want to get your lips around it.

Onion Rings are also extremely good. And quite possibly the best I’ve had out here. And I’m talking about Rings here. Strings are a whole other category that Astro doesn’t compete in.

Of course they do fries, and they do them well. The menu notes the Chili is homemade, as are the Onion rings and as I mentioned, the zucchini, however their fries are not. Still good. Add Chili if you like. You know you want to. Go on. Do it. Don’t be shy.

Shakes are made with real ice cream but they make chocolate shakes by mixing in Syrup with Vanilla ice cream. It’s not bad but it misses the point, doesn’t it? It’s like when you use white bread when you’re out of burger buns. It’s typically a last resort.

WAKE UP

Well, I’m not even going to bore you with the breakfast because, well, it’s your normal breakfast fare. It’s also pretty good. Breakfast Burritos, Denver Omelets, French Toast. You can’t really go wrong. The hard part is getting there before 11:00am.

This place rocks for the casual, fulfilling venture out. You might have even seen the fuss over it when Hillary Swank went there after her Oscar Win, with wife, Chad Lowe.

Million Dollar Burger

It’s got a great vibe, interesting people, and amazing food. It’s good day or late, late night and it’s done the way it’s supposed to be. Quality food, pretty quickly. You’ll spend about three or four bucks more than you would at the Chains but you’ll be happier you did. Try their Location on Melrose near Larchmont. Slightly different menu. But they’ve got a drive-thru.

And Stop your watches. If you are between:

0-20 seconds– YOU are a genius.

20-40 seconds — YOU are pretty smart.

40 – 60 seconds — YOU can spell most difficult words, but still get stuck on whether it’s separate or serperate.

1 – 1:20 minutes — YOU may have graduated college but you’re not fooling anybody.

1:20 – 1:40 minutes — YOU were probably home schooled and breast fed till you were twelve. It’s not your fault.

1:40 – 2:00 minutes — YOU were raised by farm animals after your only living relative left you for dead after throwing you out of the car window instead of the diaper.

2:00 and above – You probably hold some sort of political office and/or perhaps involved in some aspect of NASCAR.

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