Taken is a fun action movie based on a slightly ridiculous premise. If you’ve seen the trailer, you know that Liam Neeson’s daughter is kidnapped in Paris. We very quickly learn it’s by human traffickers who target attractive female tourists. Neeson, a badass retired spy, attempts to get her back.

Now, human trafficking, sex slavery, etc., is all very real. I would never say otherwise. The ridiculous part is that they are targeting tourists. Obviously, to tour Europe you have have money. And the kidnappers want the girls who sell for the most money, which happen to be the ones who are pretty and white. Do you know what happens when a pretty white girl from a well off family goes missing?

We, as a country, go fucking ape shit.

I mean cuckoo bananas bonkers nuts. Natalee Holloway, Elizabeth Smart, etc. It’s covered on every news program, all the time, for weeks if not months. Every reporter and law enforcement agency on both sides (CIA, FBI, local police) gets involved. Private investigators are paid. Any criminals involved who can be paid off (this is all of them) will spill the beans. And when the girl in question looks like this?

Then even I’m knocking over Liam Neeson to save her first.

No, sir, we do not tolerate anyone messing with our pretty white girls from well to do families. To suggest that a criminal ring could do this beyond one (1) pretty white girl from a rich family is to reveal your ignorance. I should point out that, technically, it is wrong to take anyone and sell them into slavery. This even includes pretty white girls from middle class families. Let’s be clear about that.

Other than that, there is much shooting and beating and delivering of badass lines. It’s all good. After Luc Besson dropped the turd that is Transporter 3, I was a bit worried. But he is joined by Robert Mark Kamen, his co-writer on The Fifth Element and… oh, shit. Transporter 3. Well, they both had a good day. Luckily, there was no room for them to include an annoying female character to bug the crap out of me for most of the movie.