This lady is awesome. I once sold a 1988 Nissan Sentra with 265K miles. She’s got me beat twice over. A great (and short) story for any gearhead or car buff.
NASA’s Dating Plans
Renegade points us to NASA’s latest romantic endeavors. From The Onion, so use headphones at work.
Guitar Heroine
My sister bought me Rock Band 2 for Christmas. I’m a little late to the rhythm beat-style game phenomenon, but I was instantly hooked and so was my wife and kids. So much so, that I went driving all around the next weekend looking for a second guitar since there’s four of us in the house, but the game ‘only’ comes with one guitar, a microphone and a drum set. The following weekend, I got the cymbal attachments for my drum-set. “I call drums!”
We now have a room pretty much devoted to this game.
Last Saturday (with a little alcohol) we played the game from 8pm until 3am. Kids too.
I’m telling ya…, hooked up to a nice tv with a good sound setup, you easily feel as if you are really playing that shit.
Which brings me to my point.
I FEEL as though I am playing but I KNOW I am not.
I have no delusions that I am actually a rock star despite my hours of fake drumming. None at all. Yes I feel that MAYBE I have a better sense of timing. Yes MAYBE I have a better understanding of using both hands and feet while following a beat. BUT I AM NO ROCK STAR. I CAN NOT PLAY DRUMS.
I am so sick of hearing mediocre musicians (and the media) criticize people who play the game.
They make blanket statements like this: “Guitar Hero punks who think they can really play guitar.”
Lets get something straight. NO ONE WHO PLAYS THESE GAMES, BELIEVES THEY CAN REALLY PLAY AN INSTRUMENT BECAUSE OF IT. NO ONE. Please show me ONE person, just one, who truly thinks this way because I have yet to see it.
As soon as I put the band controllers down, I return to my no-music-talent world of dullness, and I am fully aware of it.
Why all the hate over these music games?
You never hear NASA criticize people for playing Mass Effect. “So what, you think your some kind of astronaut now?”
Nor does the NFL come down on anyone. “Look at him playing Madden 09,… he thinks he’s a real football player!”
Hell, even those people who do that role playing with costumes don’t get as much flak. And they are throwing tennis balls in place of Magic Missiles! However, when the costume comes off, the player doesn’t continue to believe they are really wizards.
I will admit that one time while mixing prescription meds and playing Nintendo, I was pretty sure I was Mario. I did a lot of damage to my house with a hammer that day…
Anyway, to all the insecure musicians out there…
Look, I’m sorry that when I press four buttons on a guitar shaped joystick, that it somehow attacks your thrashing credibility.
Maybe if you stopped worrying about what I do in my living room and started practicing more, you’d actually get laid. and believe me, once you get laid for the first time, you will forget all about Guitar Hero.
Let me know how it works out.
Real Fake Phone Numbers for Telemarketers/Spammers
I recently tried to download a tech paper from a developer site that requires registration. I had already registered but they wanted me to confirm my info. Strange. I hit save and my phone number was flagged. See, I normally turn my real phone number into a 555 number and rest easy. These bastards were smart enough to check for that. I changed it to the 800 number of a company I don’t like, but they rejected that, too. Then I found Humor Hotlines. It was originally created as a way to give your phone number to someone at a bar or club; when they called they got a humorous rejection message. That sounds potentially cruel, but not when it’s a company that insists on bothering you. If more people start doing this, maybe companies will start making that optional. Probably not, but worth a try.
Kristin Kreuk on Chuck
I take back anything bad I’ve ever said or thought about McG. On Monday, Kristin Kreuk started a multi-episode guest appearance on Chuck. You may remember her as Lana Lang on Smallville; coincidentally (or perhaps not) Superman Returns actor Brandon Routh has also joined the cast. On Chuck Kristin will be joining the Nerd Herd, which means she’ll be wearing their official uniform, which looks like it was stolen off a Catholic schoolgirl. I’ve never noticed that uniform at Best Buy’s Geek Squad, but then again I never never seen anyone quite worthy of wearing it.
Wherein the queen confuses the Scarlett Witch with Emma Frost…
Funny or Die Best of 2009
Website Funny or Die posted their top 10 “must see” videos of 2009. 3 of these videos are actually must see, so I’m including them here:
Continue reading Funny or Die Best of 2009
Conservative Time-For-Tea
Time for a little break. So much going on at work, you tend to stay away from TV, movies and popular culture. But those who are blessed with a job1, however tenuously, should take a break and thank the Power-That-Be for the people responsible for these humorous asides:
Sarah Palin does a pretty credible job getting back at our old friend William Shatner. If Bill’s reaction is genuine surprise at her sudden appearance, then I am even more impressed with Bill’s acting abilities !! Someone really, really needs to get him in the Star Trek sequel quickly, before he joins Scotty and Bones in the big Starship in the Sky.
Oh, and by the way. Bill is a Canadian actor taking valuable Hollywood jobs away from US citizens. Can someone get the immigration problem in this country corrected? Too many Canadians are coming down to take our high-paying white-collar jobs in this country. Forget the Mexican border; folks down there are coming to take the lesser-paying jobs and will not affect your six-figure, professional position. It’s the Canadians that are the problem. And they look just like you and me so that they are harder to find and deport.
However, good going Conan. You are so good at this that I may start watching the Tonight Show again. I stayed away for the last 15 or so years, but I think the Show is in good, capable hands again. Can anyone tell me what happened to Triumph, the Insult Dog?2
Finally, I just have to mention this item that I read in the news about poor Tiger Woods. No more jokes, this is serious. Here’s the excerpt in the news from one of his supporters:
“One thing people don’t understand is that we’re human,” Heat guard Dwyane Wade said in Miami. “You’re not born with a menu on how not to do things wrong. You’re going to make mistakes like every human being.”
Actually Dwyane, there is a menu that you were given when you were small. It’s called The Bible. Sure it’s old and seemingly out-of-date or out-of-touch. It’s as old as Humanity, and it does seem to be in touch with the foibles and peccadillos that affect all of us, all of the time, since the beginning of time. I don’t think Mr. Woods is the first person that has ever cheated on his wife; plenty of those stories in the Bible. You may want to crack it open one of these days.
Or it will say 15 minutes longer for 20 minutes straight, then be done.
Rubber Band Machine Gun
The Crack Team has one that can pierce armor, but of course we can’t give you the plans to that.