Food

FAT ASTRO

Welcome to Agent Mystery’s ONE MINUTE RESTAURANT REVIEW. If it takes you more than one minute to read this, you must be an idiot. It’ true. I’ll prove it. Stopwatches out. And. GO!

Astro burger was founded in the 1900’s by a person with a dream. A dream to sell burgers and other prepared food items and to make money doing it. Historians believe this restaurant was the first to be founded on this principle, influencing cultures in all stretches of the world. That much we can take as scientific fact. But how can one explain the perfect zucchini stick? Now, you’re asking yourself, why one would try. And now you’re looking at your stopwatch and going, ‘it’s been forty seconds already? Am I retarded? And now you’re telling yourself, ‘No. I’m not. This review is retarded.’ And now you’re reassuring yourself that, ‘yes, it is in fact the review that is retarded.’ And only now are you ready to read the real review. Well, done. The student has indeed become the teacher.

ASTRO BURGER is a medium sized fifties diner setting with cool booths, each complete with occasionally working juke boxes on every table, so bring your quarters and a hankering for Elvis. There’s also an outdoor patio so bring your cigarettes. Or not. Maybe a coat? I don’t know. Use your common sense. You’re bound to see every type coming in for a bite. The gamut of Los Angeles runs through here nightly and steadily, right up until Four ‘o’ clock hour. That’s AM folks.

It’s a burgers and shakes, fifties rock, kind of place but it’s infused with today’s modern Los Angeles cravings. Mexican and Cali influences touch various dishes. Lots of Avocado on hand at this uniquely cool restaurant on the corner of Santa Monica and Gardner. It is also directly across the Street from FAT BURGER, which isn’t bad in it’s own right. It also just so happens to be diagonally across from the future sight of the CRACK TEAM’S Newest Restaurant, FAT ASTRO! I’m confident it will be one of the top three burger joints on that block.

Now, some notes for the unfamiliar on the MENU:

BURGERS

At Astro Burger, everything is freshly prepared. And all burgers come with the thousand island-chopped onions-crisp-shredded-lettuce-sliced-tomatoes compilation. I usually go for the Turkey burgers. Go bold and get the Bacon Avocado Cheeseburger. Or be dedicated to your health and your colon and grab their renowned Garden Burger. Both of these are considered “House Specialties.” Also in that category falls their pastrami burger, however, I haven’t felt myself get the urge to induce a heart attack, and frankly it doesn’t sound that good. One at a time, please. Thank you.

They’ve also got Buffalo burgers (which I ordered thinking it was some how covered in hot sauce…and then realized that I had just made a really dumb assumption and that even a burger covered in hot sauce didn’t sound very good to begin with) The Buffalo Burger is heavily seasoned and was a bit odd tasting but not bad at all. And the one I’ve yet to try but is seriously up for consideration is the Ostrich Burger. Actually made from, get this: Real Ostriches.

I don’t really have any qualms about eating Ostrich. I’ve only really seen them on TV but they just seem to act like total assholes. Y’know, kinda like the prick in high school that pushed kids into lockers. They probably taste good. Not the pricks in high school. The burgers, I mean.

FRESH MEX

All their mexican is good because the guys cooking are, um,…how you say…Mexican. Hombre, get the Quesadilla. You’ll thank me later. Ask for Sour Cream. They won’t give it to you without asking and they’ll charge you for it when you do.

SANDWICHES AND SALADS

Club Jr. and Fries is a great quick filling meal for six and a quarter. A good deal for this place. Pastrami sandwich is pretty good, though their menu clearly states, “Best in Town”. Other Pastrami Connoisseur’s believe Astro Burger’s statement is an attempt to insult the town. The Tuna Melt is a smart choice. I wouldn’t go for the steak sandwich though. But then again, I’ve never been a fan of rib-eye steak sandwiches. I’m a philly fan myself.

Side Note:(No matter what you hear, nobody in LA does a great Philadelphia Steak Sandwich. And as a rule, you definitely don’t buy it if they actually call it a “Philadelphia Steak Sandwich.”)

The Chicken Club once reigned supreme to my current norm, the Bacon Cheddar Turkey Burger. The Club has bacon and swiss on top of the large and fresh grilled chicken breast. They throw in a little mayo and BBQ sauce. It’s one club you’ll want to join. Ok. that was weak. Moving on.

Salads here are good and BIG so remember to ask for Extra Dressing. They very well might charge you for it. fifty cents bitch. CHAR CHICKEN is the way to go. I get mine with Blue Cheese but you don’t have to do everything I do. I mean this is flattering and all but c’mon.

They also have Fish and Chips here. Go ahead live dangerously. Ever wonder what Cod tastes like made at a burger joint twelve miles inland? Me neither.

SIDES

Now, my favorite thing they do with food, here. HOMEMADE ZUCCHINI. The perfect amount of breading on the perfect slice of zucchini fried to a nice crispy texture. They do it right. Somehow these guys have figured out how to make breaded and fried zucchini that doesn’t scorch your mouth with its boiling zucchini juice or that doesn’t turn to mush. Other places do okay. Maybe you’ll read about them in another blog. But NO ONE compares to Astro. All fried in Cholesterol-Free Canola Oil. They give you a large portion. That’s the only size they come in. You get two sides of a very tasty ranch dressing, which is thick and creamy and great for dipping your stick in. Maybe that’s not the best way to put it. Either way, you’ll want to get your lips around it.

Onion Rings are also extremely good. And quite possibly the best I’ve had out here. And I’m talking about Rings here. Strings are a whole other category that Astro doesn’t compete in.

Of course they do fries, and they do them well. The menu notes the Chili is homemade, as are the Onion rings and as I mentioned, the zucchini, however their fries are not. Still good. Add Chili if you like. You know you want to. Go on. Do it. Don’t be shy.

Shakes are made with real ice cream but they make chocolate shakes by mixing in Syrup with Vanilla ice cream. It’s not bad but it misses the point, doesn’t it? It’s like when you use white bread when you’re out of burger buns. It’s typically a last resort.

WAKE UP

Well, I’m not even going to bore you with the breakfast because, well, it’s your normal breakfast fare. It’s also pretty good. Breakfast Burritos, Denver Omelets, French Toast. You can’t really go wrong. The hard part is getting there before 11:00am.

This place rocks for the casual, fulfilling venture out. You might have even seen the fuss over it when Hillary Swank went there after her Oscar Win, with wife, Chad Lowe.

Million Dollar Burger

It’s got a great vibe, interesting people, and amazing food. It’s good day or late, late night and it’s done the way it’s supposed to be. Quality food, pretty quickly. You’ll spend about three or four bucks more than you would at the Chains but you’ll be happier you did. Try their Location on Melrose near Larchmont. Slightly different menu. But they’ve got a drive-thru.

And Stop your watches. If you are between:

0-20 seconds– YOU are a genius.

20-40 seconds — YOU are pretty smart.

40 – 60 seconds — YOU can spell most difficult words, but still get stuck on whether it’s separate or serperate.

1 – 1:20 minutes — YOU may have graduated college but you’re not fooling anybody.

1:20 – 1:40 minutes — YOU were probably home schooled and breast fed till you were twelve. It’s not your fault.

1:40 – 2:00 minutes — YOU were raised by farm animals after your only living relative left you for dead after throwing you out of the car window instead of the diaper.

2:00 and above – You probably hold some sort of political office and/or perhaps involved in some aspect of NASCAR.

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Technology, Television

TiVo vs. Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8300HD

Some of you might already be thinking, “This is a no-brainer.” Of course, you might have different answers. I was pretty die hard TiVo before I switched, so I thought I’d give a rundown of the pros and cons of each.

My setup:
+ TiVo Series 1 (but I’ll comment on DIRECTV HD TiVo)
+ Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8300HD
+ Toshiba 57″ HDTV (thanks to Agent Assassin)
+ Time Warner Digital Cable
+ Automator remote by Universal Remote Control

The first issue was cable vs. satellite. Without going into that whole personal battle, it came to this:

DIRECTV:
+ HD TiVo, but it costs $500
+ No local channels without an antenna; I rent a house, so no aerial, and indoors mostly suck
+ Need DSL for broadband internet, already have cable modem
+ Can get crappy reception when it rains
+ Cost for HD DVR + service + HBO: $500 + $54/mo. (with contract)

TimeWarner Cable:
+ Charging me for an extra tuner, and a we’re-renting-you-an-extra-tuner fee! (Yeah, they’re jerks.)
+ Cable modem is a better deal than DSL, and no changes
+ Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8300HD for $10/mo. So it’ll be over 4 years before I spend on it what the HD TiVo would have cost me (and it was $1,000 when I made my decision).
+ Get local channels, except for UPN and the WB. It’s TimeWARNER, and they don’t carry WARNER Brothers on HD? What’s the conspiracy, man?
+ Cost for HD DVR + service + HBO: $68/mo.

Ok, here’s the comparison:

Series 1 TiVo:
+ Way friendlier interface, but you knew that
+ TV listing data for a week or so out; the 8300HD prefetches only 2-3 days, makes you manually scroll out for more data, and caps at about a week.
+ Can select a TV show (Season Pass) and see all the upcoming showings, on all channels
+ Shows you what it’s not recording due to repeats
+ Better search feature, more options (by actor, director, just show movies, etc.)
+ If you’re willing to hack the box, or pay someone to, you can add more/bigger hard drives for more recording time. Do that to your rental unit, and they will literally kill you.

DIRECTV HD TiVo Advantages:
+ Can record TWO shows simultaneously, in HD
+ 30 hours of HD storage (vs. 20 for the Explorer)
+ Records digital audio
+ HDMI interface

Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8300HD Advantages:
+ Can record TWO shows simultaneously, in HD (which HD TiVo will do, Series)
+ Records digital audio
+ HDMI interface
+ Interface responds much faster than TiVo (at least Series 1, maybe 2 is a lot faster. It better be.)
+ Compared to standard TiVos with cable, doesn’t need an extra tuner for HD viewing (where a standard definition (SD) tuner goes to the TiVo, and an HD one goes directly to the TV and surround system).

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised with the 8300HD, as I had heard awful things about the previous cable co. DVRs. The interface/features still leave me wanting, but it has more TiVo functionality than I was expecting. That said, now that the HD TiVo is only $500, it’s a tougher decision for those making it now. I’d probably be more displeased if I was switching from a Series 2, which allows you to manage you TiVo from the web.

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Television

Demand On Demand

I’ve begun to accept the fact that working in Television doesn’t actually allow you much time to enjoy watching television. And arguably, TiVo is probably the greatest invention to hit The TV Business since, well, the TV. And I know this because everyone that owns one tells me. And sometimes they let me watch stuff they’ve TiVo’d. It’s like someone giving you a ride in their porsche, then dropping you back off to your Camry. One day, I tell myself, it will be mine.

Till Then, Adelphia and On Demand, you’re my new best friend. I’m sure I’m behind the times on this new found wonder but this thing is the shit for the TiVo-deprived. I go to Menu. I hit “On Demand”. I choose my premium channels, which in my case is the HBO pack. And there they are. All the episodes of Curb your Enthusiasm. Extras. Rome. Sopranos. Six Feet Under. All the One Night Stands. They even have Sex and the city for all you closet-homosexual-Sarah-Jessica-Parker Fans. I mean, Matthew Broderick is cool and all but that chick is Fugly. Regardless, every show is there. All free. All at my fingertips. When I ever I say, with the touch of a button. Well, several touches of various buttons but you get what I mean.

You wanna learn the guitar, take the twelve lessons in the new ‘Mag Rack’. It’s part of a free program selection, chock full of Instructional videos and Excercise Routines. There’s a half a dozen video courses on Photography. Seven videos on Wedding Planning. (Single men, take note: This program can be password protected using your remote without your girlfriend knowing)

http://www.magrack.com/

Ever wanted to take a Nutrition class, now you can. Always wished you’d had a drum lesson, well saddle up partner, fantasizing about attending that weekly Pilates class, well you’re probably gay. Afterwards you can rent a XXX version Adult Video just to prove to yourself that you’re not. You can do it all.

I still only have so much time to watch TV in a week but now it can be something I’ve been looking forward to instead of settling for another syndicated comedy. If I have to watch one more episode of Just Shoot Me, Just take a gun, point it at me and pull the trigger.

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Internet, Music

Out: AOL Radio; In: Commercial Free

6 Comments

To paraphrase Milton, if I have to hear one more Geico commercial, I’m going to blow up the building. I don’t care if I’ll save hundreds of dollars on my car insurance. If I do switch from 21st Century (who’s getting way too expensive), it won’t be to Geico. Because AOL Radio plays their commercials on every one of their stations. All. The. Freaking. Time.
     Since they only have two sponsors (Dorritos being the other), I have to drop them to retain my sanity. I previously wrote good things about them, and I’m officially taking them back. I wish I didn’t have to, because I did like the music and the easy links to AMG. Anyway, this is what I’m pimpin’ now:

SomaFM
I found these guys through iTunes, and listen to the Indie Pop Rocks station. Very few interruptions, and a good music selection. Belle and Sebastian, Guided by Voices, Elliot Smith. They also just introduced me to The Go! Team (no affiliation with The Crack Team… as far as you know!), which is next on my pickup list. Also check out the Secret Agent channel, a modern take on 60s lounge music, Bossa Nova, and Connery-era James Bond. And occasionally a little Bollywood flavor throw in. Very chill.

3wk
They have a couple indie stations, one modern and one classic (which the announced with King Crimson background music, so it must be good). More cool music, no commercials (although they do remind you they’re listener supported, but that’s way less obnoxious than an insurance commercial).

ChroniX Aggression
What’s sometimes referred to as “alternative metal”. Fear Factory, Slipknot, System of a Down. Good music to get the heart pumping, before you rip it out and wolf it down.

What I like about these stations is that they display the artist and song while they’re playing, so you can punch it into your search bar and get more info. 3wk will even tell you the album and the label its on.

Now I just gotta find a replacement for the WB station… not that I listen to any of that really catchy pop music. You can’t prove it!

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About

The Crack Team Starts a WAR!

4 Comments

We’re trying something new here. Sometimes folks forget that, while I do most of the posting, this is a group blog. Any member of The Crack Team is welcome – nay, encouraged! – to participate. So I am starting a formal weblog author rotation (WAR) to improve participation.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp The WAR is an ordered list of authors. Each day, the next author on the list must post an article. He may post more if he wants, on any author’s day, but they won’t count towards his future days (you can’t post three articles and sit out the next two WAR cycles). When the WAR is over, it’s back to author #1 (me) and starts again. This way CrackTeam.org has new content every day. Each new author added gives the rest an extra day to post, lowering everyone’s committment. However, I have a hunch authors will respond by posting more often on “off days”.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp I’d like to note that I am asking for an official committment, which is designed in part to encourage authors to write more. Many of us are interested in writing, but sometimes need a kick in the pants to do so. So every day you’re late, you will be fined $50 by The Crack Team. Just kidding! You just owe us another article. Again, this is just to encourage your writing, and make sure we have fresh content.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp Speaking of content, we’re looking for original thought. Some have said that the blogosphere is divided between linkers and thinkers. There is nothing wrong with linking sites, but it should be accompanied by opinion or commentary. If you just don’t have much to say about it (and granted, some things speak for themselves), save it for your extra posts. It’s difficult to create objective criteria for this, beyond “your articles must be x lines long”, which I think is silly. Use your best judgement.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp One last thing to encourage you to sign on: this is an anonymous weblog. There is no published NOC list for The Crack Team. This grants you a precious freedom, especially when talking about your employer. Of course, I’m happy to link your codename to your website or email if you like (although the latter will surely get you lots of spam).

Here are the agents currently involved in the WAR effort:

Archangel
Mystery
Hulagun

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Rants

Branding Idiocy

4 Comments

Over the last couple weeks, I’ve noticed that 7-11 now has Big Gulp brand soda. Not in the fountain (or maybe, I didn’t check), but in bottles that look like they were designed by the same guy who does the packaging for every other boring supermarket house brand. Who goes to a convenience store, which they already know is charging high prices, and is swayed to pay 35 cents less for an off brand cola? Not many, so they’re attempting to solve this by raising the prices on the name brand stuff. Face it 7-11, your bread and butter are customers who will pay a little more to conveniently buy stuff they’ve heard of. They’re not going to buy the cheap stuff, they’re just going to get their regular brand, bring it up to the register, and think, “Crap, they charge a lot for this stuff! I gotta get my butt to the supermarket.”

But that’s not what I came here to write about.

I next found they also have a store brand chocolate bar. The brand name? Big Gulp! Apparently, they’re following a very stupid trend also seen in Sun and Microsoft: put your famous brand name on everything, even if it doesn’t make any sense. Big Gulp is 7-11’s most famous product, so they’re trying to leverage the existing mindshare to save on marketing costs. The end result is a stupid name for all but the original product.
     Microsoft did this with .NET, although not intentionally. They decided to build this application framework, and were so in love with it they decided to spend millions ($100M?) on the campaign. Every product manager who heard this tried to horn in on the action by calling their product .NET, just to get some of the marketing money and ride the wave. What this ended up causing was mass confusion among consumers who couldn’t for the life of them figure out just what the hell .NET was. It took a lot of reeling in and some backpeddling (and I think it’s still a tad muddled), but most geeks know what you mean by .NET now.
     Sun seems to be trying for the same thing by throwing the Java label on random products they want to promote. Every geek (and tons of non-geeks) know that Java is a programming language. Most also know it allows you to write software once and run it on different computers. It’s recently been revealed as the most popular language today, with 4 million developers. So my question is, why would you want to screw that up? They now have a product called Java Desktop System – any idea what that is? If you said, “It’s Sun’s Linux distribution!” then you already knew the damn answer, because there’s no way you could figure that out from the name. The desktop isn’t even written in Java! A Sun tech confided in me that Java is Sun’s biggest brand, so they’re using it to sell other products. Can’t they see this just dilutes their brand? Can they see they’re repeating Microsoft’s mistakes? For Sun, that’s gotta sting. Granted, they aren’t the best at naming things, or building brands around names. Since I’ve been using their IDE/compilers, they’ve called them SPARCworks, Workshop, Forte, Sun ONE Studio, and now Sun Studio (which, BTW, is a rebranding of the open source product NetBeans). That’s a new name every 1.5 years! Why the hell would you do that? The only reason I can think of is that you’re trying to hide your product behind new names because it sucks (and they didn’t), or you just really suck at naming things. I know they’ve changed the underlying technology quite a bit between some versions, but automakers do this all the time but still keep the name. There have been six different Corvette platforms; can you imagine six name changes for that legendary car? Me neither.

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Internet

An AJAX Alternative

1 Comment

There is a lot of talk these days about rich web client interfaces with AJAX, and I’ll admit I find it exciting. However, there is an alternative
called OpenLaszlo. It has the same goal as
AJAX (desktop feel and response time in a web application), but uses Flash
instead of JavaScript/DHTML. While most web developers know JavaScript
already, the advantage here is that you only have one target platform:
the Flash plugin. The word from the trenches is that it’s very
difficult to overestimate the amount of time you need to test AJAX apps,
especially cross-browser. And I hate testing. Another advantage for bigger web
shops is that the backend/middle tier guys rarely do the front end
stuff, as they’re tied up with business logic and data access issues,
which is quite a handful already. For these apps, they have to master
XML and/or web services, too. At the same time, your front end guys are
often professional graphic designers who know Flash about as well as
they know JavaScript, if not better. So OpenLaszlo can help leverage
your existing skill mix.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp AJAX is not without support, though. There is a JavaScript
library called Rico (developed by
Sabre Airline Solutions) to help developers get up and running. It was a
Sabre lead who made the comment about the difficult testing, so it looks
like they’ve open sourced their framework to get the community to help.
I don’t know if you want to open source a competitive edge, but the rest
of us are the better for it. I’ve also heard good things about DWR, but it’s a Java library.
My current goal is still to concentrate on the middle tier,
getting up to speed on Spring and Hibernate. I figure once I’m
comfortable with those technologies, my choice for a rich client will be
obvious (or simply won’t matter).

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Everything Else

Employer Donation Matching

I recently donated to the Red Cross through my employer, since they match employee donations dollar for dollar, and 50 cents on the dollar for retirees. I hear we gave $2.3M collectively, not including their matching, or the $1M they donated separately. But we’re huge, so that’s reasonable. (And I’m not mentioning them, since like so many other corporate employers, they don’t like employee blogging. Someday I’ll have to pay to retain my privacy for this domain, and cut down on spammers).

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Internet, Music

Netscape Radio Now AOL

1 Comment

I listen to a lot of net radio, since I’m on the computer a lot and a crave variety in my music. One of my main sources was Netscape Radio, which apparently is now AOL Radio. For a while now, I have experienced problems with my Radio@Netscape player, where it basically won’t start. When it was working, I saw occasional ads for unlimited listening at AOL Radio, and since they’re the same company (until Time Warner gives AOL the boot) I thought I’d check it out. Turns out AOL has the same stations and an interface that looks identical, but offers unlimited listening (Netscape cut you off after a couple hours). The new interface appears to be pure web-based and launches in a popup, unlike Netscape’s, which required a separate downloadable executable. Unfortunately for now, Firefox is not supported, but they promise it will be next month. So it’s time to dust off your IE.

I listen to it often due to the good selection of stations and the ability to rate songs. I have no idea how much my vote counts, but I like to feel listened to (hence this blog). In addition, they link the artist, song, and album to the AOL’s music page which licenses data from the All Music Guide, making it easy to learn about artists I’m not familiar with. My staples are Indie Rock Mix and Electronica, but other notable stations include Melancholia, for when your misery wants company; The WB Radio, the music of Smallville; Xtreme Alt Rock, hard but not boring; and a variety of single-artist stations for bands like The Ramones, The Doors, Yes, and others. Plus just about every other style of music you can think of, and several promotional stations for things like the Warp Tour and Live 8. Overall, a good one-stop music shop.

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The most famous covert organization in the world.