Apparently Gary Trudeau is having a reader poll to decide which tech school the character Alex Doonesbury (female) should attend. It’s down to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (aka, RPI, and my alma mater), MIT, and Cornell. I have to say, I thought long and hard before selecting RPI. Why would I wish that on anyone, even if they are fictional?
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp The fact is, I felt I got a solid education. And it was a top 10 engineering school when I went there, but it’s reputation has slipped significantly to #37. [1] 37??? And it’s behind schools we would have laughed at 10-15 years ago. Now, a lot of people call the US News rankings a bunch of hooey, and they’re probably right, but it does have a big impact on who applies, and who recruits there (or at least their level of effort). So if you put any stock into them, you see a lot of schools ranked higher that do not have brutal winters, or a 4:1 guy:girl ratio. Some people would look down their noses at me for considering those to be important factors, and those people have one thing in common: no penis! Because both of those things make your penis smaller! No self-respecting guy would argue against warm weather and hot girls, both of which RPI has very little of.
&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp So where do you go for an undergrad engineering/science education? I’ll assume you can’t get into some uber-school like MIT, Stanford, CalTech, Princeton, etc. Only because you can’t. Sure, you could have if you didn’t slack off, but you did, and there’s nothing you can do about it now. [2] That still leaves a couple good places. Here’s how to pick one:

Avoid winter. “But Archangel, I like to ski and/or snowboard!” Ha! Ha! I say. You’re going to school for a hard subject, don’t make it harder by having to risk hypothermia and fatal car accidents to get to class. And freezing cold weather is exactly the excuse girls are waiting for to gain 20+ pounds, cover it all up with bulky clothes, and come to class sans makeup (and perhaps showering).

Find a good ratio. Classes in your major will be dominated by guys. Pick the wrong school, and all your classes are dominated by guys. Sure, this is an excellent tactic for girls, as they’ll get lavished with attention, which makes them stuck up. But you’re probably not a girl, and you probably don’t want to compete with 3 other guys for some stuck up girl who’s not even that good looking (but will seem gorgeous to you 8 weeks into the semester). If you need need further encouragement, let me introduce you to the “RPI scale”, as in, “She’s an 8 on the RPI scale.” Remember, the scale is from 1-10, and you’re picky and don’t want anyone less than a 6 (statistically, better than average). So now only half the women are eligible, making the ratio 8:1. Most importantly, the selection is further limited by girls who got into a top engineering school! That really slides the scale by at least a couple points, making 30% of the girls physically attractive to you. Which makes the true ratio 40:3! Until 8 weeks into the semester of course, when it magically goes down to 4:1.

Check the recruiter rating. Unfortunately, US News only lists this for graduate schools, but it’s probably good enough. Even when RPI’s overall rating was sliding towards Hades, it’s recruiter ranking was excellent. Because recruiters know RPI grads work so damn hard in school, that work in the real world seems like a vacation to them. So you outwork everybody in the company and are happy about it, because – shh! – don’t tell anyone, but you’re slacking off bigtime! If you’re majoring in a pure science like math, bio, chem, physics, psych, etc., you HAVE to get a PhD. Therefore, the Peer Assessment Score is probably a better indicator of your chances of getting into a good grad school.

That’s about it. While it’s cool to be near a big city like LA or DC, it probably has more distractions than you need (esp. if you took my advice regarding ratio). Since you’re going to do well in school, cost isn’t much of a factor, either. You’ll make enough to pay that back without much effort. Unless, of course, you’re going to slack off in college, too.

Oh yeah, if you haven’t already, please vote for RPI. If only to see Trudeau’s take on the RPI experience. That Alex, she’s at least an 8 on the RPI scale.

[1] For graduate engineering. I got an undergrad degree, but they only ranked grad schools back then, so this is an apples to apples comparison.

[2] Nobody says this in the brochures, but it is much easier to transfer into a top school then get accepted during HS. It is a simple, 3-step process: 1) Do good in HS, but not awesome, 2) Do awesome (perfect GPA) your freshman year of college, 3) Apply to top school with essay explaining why you’re suddenly working at your “true potential”, like a learning disability, abusive home life, or you simply weren’t challenged. The last excuse probably isn’t even fraud, and gives you the “I just want to go to a school that will really challenge me” Ivy League pickup line. You’ll probably be less challenged, but you’re not looking for challenges, otherwise you could’ve gotten in straight from HS. If this sounds like something you want to do, ignore all my other advice and simply attend the best ranked school you can get into, so the jump to Harvard isn’t too much of a stretch. A good friend at RPI did exactly that (4.0 GPA got him into Harvard and McGill, and he chose McGill). Truth be told, if I had known that was an option, I would have done exactly that. Who doesn’t want a Harvard diploma?