Film

Snakes On A Plane: Spoiler Free

Snakes on a Plane (SOAP) is a bad movie. You might have known that beforehand. But there is a chance you might have thought it was a thriller worthy of Samuel L. Jackson. Or perhaps even smart satire or a parody of B-movies. It is none of those things.

Instead, it is an updated version of an 80’s made-for-cable B-movie horror/thriller. Think along the lines of Andy Sidaris movies, but with less sex and more Samuel L. Jackson. You might not know the name Andy Sidaris, but if you ever surfed for boobies and ‘splosions on late-night premium cable during the 80’s, you’re familiar with his body of work. They included such gems as Malibu Express, Savage Beach, Picasso Trigger, and Guns. You probably get the picture just from the titles. If not, consider this: most of his actresses were Playboy Playmates.

So that’s what you should expect when you walk in to see SOAP. That’s not to say that SOAP isn’t entertaining – it is, if you’re prepared to laugh at it instead of with it. Not surprisingly, I found the opening-night crowd very into it, cheering in all the right places, which helped a lot. If you can find a good theatre or a bunch of guys who enjoy B-movie schlock, consider it time well spent. I still remember when Masterchief and I saw Species 2, laughing the entire time at how ridiculous it was. In my mind, that’s money better spent than on a comedy that doesn’t make you laugh, or an action flick that’s bad but not funny.

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Music

Is Tower Falling?

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Variety reports that Tower Records can’t pay its bills. So labels are holding off on sending it new stuff, which will probably make things worse, since new releases are typically the only CDs Tower sells at a reasonable price.

This is really about the death of the record store. I had been noticing the dwindling of the independent record store and small chains for years: Moby Disc, Penny Lane, Pyramid Music. (While I’m pointing out cool places, I see Poobah’s is still alive.)

And you know what? I’m to blame. Since subscribing to Rhapsody, I haven’t bought anything from a record store. Because when I step into a record store now, I feel nothing. No excitement, no sense of wonderment. Pretty much any music I want I can get on Rhapsody, and if I can’t get it, I’ll just browse and find something else I want. I took my first trip to Amoeba Music the other day, which in my college years would have been nothing short of a religious experience (just ask ZBalance). But I just looked around and thought, why bother? I can get all this stuff on-demand for my $10/month. Amoeba has a great DVD section, too, but I’ve got Netflix, so that does nothing for me, either.

Here’s the tricky part. As Rob Gordon might say, I’m a better “professional appreciator” because of it. I can find cool new things much easier, and explore them in much greater depth. When I find a band or artist I like, I generally listen to their whole catalog, especially if they’re a known influencer. If it’s something I might not like, I can just take a quick listen, fast forwarding and skipping through parts or tracks I don’t want to hear. I have become the audio equivalent of Galactus: Devourer of Discs, Eater of Albums.

So what replaces the cool record store? A so-called “lifestyle store”, with cool books, clothes, posters, toys, and other geegaws? Sounds almost like Urban Outfitters, now that I mention it. Still, it’s no Vintage Vinyl (which also appears to have passed on).

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Everything Else

How cool is Skype?

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Very cool. I just loaded it yesterday and did a couple test runs with Agent Hulagun – kudos to him for his part in the vital mission. Overall, it was pretty simple. You have to click download a few too many times, but eventually you get there. When running the installer, remember to click the [ Options… ] button and make sure everything’s kosher.

I had a slight issue due to a non-standard microphone configuration. I have an Audigy 2 ZS card with an I/O plate for the front of your case. It has a 1/4″ mic input with preamp, into which I have plugged in a Shure SM58 mic (pretty much the most famous ball mic ever). This shows up in audio/sound programs like Audacity as “Line-in 2/Mic 2”, but most programs just show the sound card or “windows default” (or something like “system”) as an option. This requires you to use the control panel to select that mic as the system default. Problem is, programmers who think they’re oh so clever will change the system default to “Microphone”, and this is very frustrating when troubleshooting!!! I had to uncheck an option in Skype that says something like, “Let Skype mess up my options that I’ve taken a while to get right”. I am paraphrasing to accentuate truthfulness. When that was done, though, it worked.

And it works really well. Granted, I’m using a $100 mic and $60 headphones, but it’s pretty clear on both sides. And of course, totally free. There is a slight chance that Yahoo! Messenger with Voice will also work with my setup, but it doesn’t have a “don’t screw things up checkbox”, and it definitely screws things up when you use the voice setup wizard. I’ll have to find another test subject to troubleshoot that.

I recommend either a headset or mic/headphones combo. Using a speaker will turn it into – surprise! – a speakerphone. And those are annoying for both parties. However, you probably want to be able to unplug the headset/headphones easily; I know my computer will mute speakers when headphones are plugged in. You can uncheck that option, but then you’re driving both at the same time, which seems like kind of a waste.

I originally wanted this set up to communicate with East Coasters without burning up all my cell phone minutes. If I call them 9pm their time, it’s still 6pm (primetime) for me. Of course, this also works for locals with only cell phone access.

So feel free to add me using my Crack Team email address. If you don’t know it and can’t figure it out, email me and I’ll clue you in.

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Film

Miami Vice: Spoiler Free Review

So I could think of all sorts of fruity wordplay for this review, but the movie doesn’t mess around so neither will I. It just kicks ass. Now it does take some time to set up relationships between Crocket and Tubbs and their lady friends. Michael Mann doesn’t rush through that part, but he makes up for it with boobies, and more importantly later on, guns capable of removing limbs. The action scenes flat out rock; you do not want to wait for the DVD. See it somewhere with a great sound system and hear those .50s really sing. Ok, not so much sing as thunder – it pretty much sounded like lightning came down in the next seat over. [1]

It’s much more gritty and realistic than other action movies we’ve had lately (e.g., Mission: Impossible, which I also liked). It’s at the top, but not over the top. Yeah, it still has hot cars and boats and houses, but the series taught us 20 years ago that you need that crap to convince successful scumbags you’re just like them.

Just a reminder that Michael Mann directed Heat [2]. If you haven’t seen that lately, I can pretty much guarantee you it’s much better than you remember. It probably ranks up there as one of the most underrated action/cop/thrillers ever made. Miami Vice has the same intensity, although in different ways. Less touchy feely, more shooty stabby.

[1] And yet the burn mark was on my seat. Strange.
[2] And exec produced the Miami Vice television series.

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BTW

E3 Shrinks

E3 is scaling way down. Surprisingly, the reasons are reasonable. The video game industry no longer needs a big event to garner the attention of the press, and May is too early to display games scheduled for fall. It’ll now be a place to do some press conferences and let the bigwigs network. Since they closed it off to the public this year, I don’t think anyone really cares. I guess this is good news for PAX.

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Everything Else

Beware the Vellux Blanket!

I have a gigantic mess in my washing machine right now. It consists of hundreds of tiny pieces of Vellux blanket. Those are the comfy, spongy blankets you see in hotels all the time. I had mine for years, no problem. I noticed it started to get a little dusty, so I threw it in the wash. But that wasn’t dust. That was total fiber breakdown. I opened the washer to find a nylon mesh and what was formerly attached to it. I’m going to need the shop vac to clean it all up, and I’m worried it might have clogged the washer’s drain. Hopefully anything that can get through the small holes in the cylinder won’t be enough to do damage.

Anyway, I just wanted to warn others. If your Vellux blanket seems just a tad ratty (maybe some frayed edges), a piece falls off of it, or it seems unusually dusty, just chuck it. Not worth risking your washer, or the enormous pain in the ass it is to clean it up.

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The most famous covert organization in the world.