Crank Review

This film is an exhausting exercise in style over substance. It has an 80’s undercurrent via music and 8-bit video games, but for no reason I could determine. As it opened, I thought that I might not be in the right theatre, but the title credit (done in super low-res graphics) confirmed it. When I walked out, I thought the writer/director came from video games. Turns out I’m not far off the mark. There are two of them, and both did visual f/x for Biker Boyz. This helps explain the shitty writing. So, ok, I laughed a few times. A few action sequences were decent. But I certainly don’t think that made it worth seeing. Ok, yes, Amy Smart looks amazing, and that’d be enough for some, but she also plays a very annoying character. You’d think that with a hitman for boyfriend, she’d be dead already (then again, she is really hot here).

Meanwhile, I still haven’t seen Little Miss Sunshine, The Illusionist, Hollywoodland, or heck, even Beerfest. Talk about salt in the wounds…

Playstation 3 Delayed, Cut Back

Sony announced that the PS3 will be delayed in Europe, and cut U.S. Christmas shipments in half. Add to this it will cost $500-600, versus $300-400 for XBOX 360, and >$250 for the Nintendo Wii, which confirmed it’s shipping on time. Apparently there are technical and/or supply problems with the Blu-ray components. Getting a Blu-ray player with your console is decent, but I haven’t seen a $600 console since Neo-Geo. Are they gonna have $130+ games, too?

Sept/06 Automobile Magazine

So Automobile Magazine just put out an article entitled The top 25 Most Beautiful Cars of All Time.

I’m an proud owner of the second-generation 300zx (90-96) which made the list.
I’m taking a lot of heat for this in the forums since everyone has their own idea about which cars belong on the list.
Stock 300zx
stock 300zx

I agree that the list is lacking many favorites, but the real issue is that it’s too hard to make a list of only 25. The list should be “Top 100” to be more fair.

One point people have made is that the list lacks “muscle cars” when they were in their prime. However I feel these cars were far from beautiful. (Badass, yes. But not beautiful.)

Many feel the 300zx doesn’t belong on the list. This is where I point out such facts as: The 90-96 300zx won Car and Driver’s ten best cars list EVERY SINGLE YEAR it was produced, as well as many other awards from other publications.

One forum fellow argued that if a 300zx were to pass by today, nobody would even give it a second look.
This is my point exactly! The 300zx was introduced with such a radical design from it’s previous edition (84-89) that it looked more like a concept car than a production car. It took years for other manufacturers to follow suit.
I believe the 300zx single handedly converted the auto industry’s styling from the dart-style of the 80’s to the bubble-look of today.
Don’t believe me? Do a search for ANY other car from the early 90’s and compare it to the 1990 300zx.
Mustang? RX7?
Or how about non-sporty cars that are popular today.
Civic? Accord?
It took years for the other manufacturers to catch up.

1992 Camaro
camaro

1993 Mustang
mustang

So in a way, the forum-fellow is correct. The 300zx wouldn’t get a second look today because this 16 year-old car still fits into to today’s styling.

Not to mention the upgrade potential!
Modded 300zx
mod 300zx

If you are bored, you can log-in to Myspace and check out my 1990 300zx (and 1998 Maxima) pics at http://www.myspace.com/zerobalance

Memoirs of a Geisha: Review

This is one of the most beautiful films I have seen in years. The cinematography of the settings, costumes, and of course, actresses, is simply stunning. I regret not having seen this on the big screen.

Even though this is a long film at 2:25, I felt the pacing was good and it never felt slow. Part of that may have been the cinematography; even if it lingered some some still shots, I would not have complained.

Now, Ebert didn’t review it all that highly. He claims it wasn’t for sociological reasons, but his review certainly sounds that way. Geishas were artists, yes, but they were also paid for their company. They were often sold into that lifestyle, and had no free will. Yes, that is obviously an objectable practice. He also called it melodramatic, which I guess it might be. Certainly when compared to many Japanese films, like Ozu’s Tokyo Story, which Ebert adores1. But Memoirs is a film written, directed, and produced by Americans. In a way, it is a very American view of that period and lifestyle. To be fair, I could probably substitute “American” with “foreign” (Gaijin?) – the Geisha have been romanticized by many, even Gilbert and Sullivan (see Mike Leigh’s Topsy-Turvy). Is it fair to romanticize the selling of young girls into a life of prostitution, absent of free will? Certainly not to the Geishas. But for the typical movie audience, it makes for a much more enjoyable experience.

  1. It was also a past Classic Movie Night selection, and was quite good, if a little, um, “subtle”. []

Carls Crappy Shakes

While Carls, Jr. is one of my favorite fast food joints, I just had one of their “hand scooped” ice cream shakes – cookies and cream – and it had NO flavor. In addition, the consistency led me to believe they simply take ice cream and add WATER instead of milk! Ugh. Just avoid.

Catching Up With a Decade of Comics (Gifted, Dangerous, House of M Reviews)

After watching X-Men: The Last Stand, I decided I wanted to catch up on changes to the comic book universe. I’ve been out of comics since the mid-nineties, when I graduated from college and moved out to SoCal. So I’ve missed almost a decade’s worth of stories. Gotta be something big that went down between then and now, right? The major stories should be nicely packaged in graphic novel format by now.

So I go down to my local comic book store to see what I could find. What I found, sitting behind the counter, was a guy who looked and dressed exactly like Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. I shit you not: brown hair in a pony tail, goatee, overweight, wearing a t-shirt tucked into sweatshorts pulled up to his bellybutton. Surreal. I figured this would be the guy to talk to. I give him a rundown of the situation, figuring he won’t even know where to start. Actually, I was pretty sure he would know where to start. But he doesn’t. He tells me nothing really stands out when you look at the last ten years. Things are pretty much the same as I left them. I think, maybe it’s like when you talk to someone you haven’t heard from in a while, and nothing really stands out: same job, same house, same life – nope, nothing new to report. Oh, but it has been hot out, recently… Anyway, he points out a book that’s gotten good reviews, written by Joss Whedon of Firefly/Serenity fame. I pay the man and take it home.

About two pages into it I’m thinking, who’s the blonde bimbo sleeping with Scott Summers? Flipflip. She’s in charge of the school? Where’s Professor X? Flipflip. Flipflipflip. Where’s the hell is Professor X?

Those were exactly the kinds of changes I wanted to read about. So I jump into the Batmobile and make a bee line back to the store. “What’s the deal?” I ask Comic Book Guy. “You said nothing changed. Trust me, things have changed!” He sticks to his guns for few seconds before he breaks down and admits that running a comic book store doesn’t actually leave him time to read comics. He hadn’t read comics since Magneto was on trial for, I don’t know, being Jewish or something. It was before I got into comics, so he was useless to me.

Well, I was on my own, so I turned to the most reliable source of wisdom I knew of: Amazon reader reviews. I really want to support my local comic book store, but if they can’t give me the advice I need, then I don’t mind saving over 30% at Amazon. I mean, that comes to about $5 a book. Combined with my Amazon Prime trial, I get everything cheap, tax free, and delivered within 3 days. And so far, I haven’t been disappointed. Sure, you can’t flip through them, but I’m after the major stories everyone knows about and has enjoyed. Previewing usually has little effect on my purchase decision unless the art is truly sub par.

So I plowed ahead and bought some highly rated stuff, and over time I’ll be chiming in on them with short reviews, starting with these. I’m still not caught up with the stories, but I’m definitely impressed with the state of the art (litterally). The artists are fully utilizing digital ink and paint systems, to the point where they’re adding things like motion blur and depth of field. Yes, depth of field! In a comic book! Like I’ve said before, we’re living in the future.

The only complaint I have is the book bindings. No, they’re not falling apart, they’re actually bound too tightly. This is fine until you come across two-page spreads showing epic battles (House of M is full of these), and you can’t clearly or fully see the part where the pages meet. They need to use the lay-flat binding that O’Reilly uses for their computer books. That would work perfectly.

Gifted / Dangerous
These two books collect Astonishing X-Men 1-12. They’re written by Joss Whedon, so there’s a lot more humor than usual. One issue I had with Gifted is that X-Men: The Last Stand borrowed heavily from it, so there are many plot parallels (figures, the first book I buy has a storyline I’m already familar with). As soon as it’s released, I plan on picking up Torn, which collects issues 13-18.

House of M
This is HUGE, meaning world altering. Meaning it alters the current, mainstream Marvel universe instead of creating yet another alternate. It involves the X-men, Avengers (new, old, I really don’t know since I never read that series), Spiderman, and others. Also features Scarlett Witch, Magneto, and Quicksilver (at least they were baddies in the 90’s; nothing’s clear anymore). The art is pretty fantastic, IMHO. Without giving anything away, it’s a good place to start to see the state of the universe after certain super-powers have their way with it.

On the way:

  • Decimation: X-Men – The Day After: follow-up to House of M
  • X-Men: The Dark Phoenix Saga: Ok, this took place before I started reading comics, but is supposedly an all-time great and I’ve never read it.

If anyone has any suggestions, preferably in the mainstream Marvel or DC universes (I’ll get to non-superhero stuff later), I’d appreciate them!

Invincible: Spoiler Free Review

I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. It’s one of those where you’re sitting through most of it with a goofy grin on your face. It’s a feelgood movie, but you already knew that just from the trailer.

I have a soft spot for films set in the seventies, and this film does a great job evoking that era. It starts off painted in autumnal hues, set to Jim Croce’s I Got A Name. [1] We see working class South Philly of 1976, which probably hasn’t changed much in 30 years. Maybe it’s the whole city of brotherly love thing, but South Philly just seems a lot less scary than other working class neighborhoods. Perhaps Agents Mystery and Hulagun, former Philadelphia residents, will want to chime in.

I also have to say that I’ve warmed up to Marky Mark. He started out great as Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, but repeated that over-the-top, nice guy character ad nauseum. As Agent Assassin pointed out, now he’s not so over-the-top. It’s a big help. I also found myself thinking, “Wow, he’s buff here,” completely forgetting about the much buffer Funky Bunch-era Marky Mark. [2] It will come full circle when he plays a character that has audiences thinking, “Wow, who knew Mark Wahlberg could rap?”

He’s joined by the crazy hot Elizabeth Banks. You’ll remember her as Beth, the hot and crazy girl from The 40 Year Old Virgin, and Lindsay, the hot and crazy theatre director in Wet Hot American Summer. [3] She also plays the hot new doctor on Scrubs. I’d like to see a lot more of her, but Invincible is only rated PG. I’d cast her in one of my films, but unfortunately she’s married, which renders her inelligible.

Anyway, it’s a fun flick, and you can even bring the kids if you can’t find a sitter. They might not understand it, but at least they won’t be robbed of their innocence. Just leave that to Pop Warner.

[1] That song is also feature in soundtrack to the The Ice Storm, one of my all time favorite films.

[2] He needed to be huge back then to destroy hotel rooms and beat up gay people.

[3] Which is hilarious, just ask Hulagun.

Nighttime Golf: It’s not just for blind people anymore!

Recently, my addiction to golf has been getting worse. I now play during the week twice in addition to going to the range several times to practice. Since I am not able to get out to the course until after I put in a 10 hour day at work, it starts to get dark by the time we get to the end of a round. Even though one of the courses I play at is lighted, the amount of illumination between the tee and the green leaves quite a bit to be desired. The greens are generally well lit, so if you hit the green every time you will have no problem finding your ball. However, if I was capable of hitting the green every time, my co-workers would have single word names like �Tiger� and �Vijay�. A few weeks ago I was playing with a random golfer who had a ball that would start blinking when you hit it. This was the product I was looking for! It�s just too bad I didn�t ask him what the name of it was or where he got it.

The next day I ran out to the local Golfsmith and the salesman at the counter, after laughing at me, explained that he had never heard of it. He also commented that he didn�t think the balls would spin very well. Not wanting to sound like a total noob I just smiled and said, �yeah, you�re probably right�. I more or less understood what he meant but I am certainly not a good enough golfer to care how much a ball spins or even to know what to do with said spin. Besides, when you can�t see more than 10 feet in front of you without a flashlight, does it really matter how much your golf ball spins? I think not. Since I pay for the holes whether I play them or not and generally don�t even bother keeping score, the whole point here is to try to get those last few holes in rather than simply going home. I then took my search to where I should have gone in the 1st place� the internet.

Enter the Twilight Tracer (www.twilighttracer.com). This ball is designed to start flashing a very bright red once you hit it so you can find your ball in the dark. It is an 80 compression ball with a multilayer surlyn cover and is the same weight and size as a regulation ball. I ended up with the 3 pack which goes for about $28 depending on where you find it (I was only able to find it online). It is a touch on the pricey side for me but in the grand scheme of things in the golf world probably not that expensive. The balls last for about 40 hours so, since they blink for roughly 5 minutes at a time, that means you can hit it about 480 times. I was worried that a decent amount of the lifespan of the ball would be lost to getting knocked around during shipping but when I got the balls home and tested one, merely dropping it did not set it off. In fact, it took a moderate amount of force to actually get it blinking, though nothing compared to the force generated during a full golf swing. I feel confident I will get my money�s worth out of each ball.

On the golf course, the 1st one I pulled out of the box to hit made a nice �thwack� sound as it hit a tree off to the right side of the fairway but, unfortunately, there was no blinking involved before it hit the tree. It was a defective ball and amazingly wasn�t one of the two that I had tested at home. I sent a quick email over the weekend to the company that makes them and they got back to me 1st thing Monday morning asking me for my address so they can ship me a replacement ball, no questions asked. They will have my business in the future just for that. On the next hole I tried a different ball (after throwing it into the ground first to make sure it worked) and this time I hit a nice shot right down the middle of the fairway and onto the edge of the green. I could see the ball in the air the whole time (which is VERY cool!) and could easily see it sitting on the green from about 175 yards away. In fact, on a later hole I hit the ball about 225 yards and to the right of the fairway into some 1� thick rough and could still see it from the tee box. While I have no real way of comparing the spin rates of this ball to a regular ball, it did seem to bite into the green fairly well and it left a pretty good ball mark, although, the greens were very soft and starting to get soggy from dew so maybe it had nothing to do with the spin.

The two differences between the tracers and a regular ball that stood out the most was the lack of distance and the very different feel off the club face. Using a metal wood with a graphite shaft I couldn�t really feel a difference but you could hear a much different sound with the tracers than with a regular ball. With an iron and a steel shaft you can feel the difference in your hands in addition to the different sound. The ball �feels� much harder than the balls I typically use (Nike Precision Power Distance � Super Soft) but that could be just due to the fact that the Nike�s only have a 60 compression core and a soft cover. There was also a definite lack of distance with the tracers over my regular ball using everything from my driver to my 60� wedge. What it boiled down to is that I had to take one club more than I normally would (or a harder swing on a short pitch) in order to get the distance I needed. I have only played one type of ball in my short career so I am not sure if the difference I see is simply due to the balls I use or due to the characteristics of the tracers. The difference was enough that on my shorter approach shots I switched to a regular ball since my aim on such shots is pretty good. I did not try to putt with these balls but my guess is that I would not like it. I saw that the company is coming out with a ball specifically for putting but they don�t have much information on it other than the fact that it comes in different colors.

All in all, I consider this to be a great product at a reasonable price and have already recommended it to several of the people I golf with. I am sure that as I play on the course in the evenings I will start to get more and more people asking me why my balls are blinking.

Now, if only something could help me find my balls in the daytime��.

Survivor Gets Racist

The next season of Survivor will be a social experiment involving race and ethnicity. The 4 starting tribes will be segregated racially/ethnically: whites vs. blacks vs. Asians vs. Hispanics. They claim this is a response to complaints that the show isn’t ethnically diverse enough, which in turn they blame on low numbers of minority applicants. [1]

Now, there’s something that Variety reported that most other news outlets (like Reuters, where so many places get their news) aren’t including. [2] Show runners Mark Burnett and Jeff Probst believe that, judging from past seasons, the tribes won’t stay together for very long. The most successful contestants will integrate with other races.

They also believe that the nature of the situation will cause contestants to ignore race. I mean, survival is at stake, right? Resources are scarce. You don’t know who you can trust. In some situations, you have to get by on your wits. In many others, might makes right. It’s an unfamilar environment, and a lot times, you’re just plain scared. All the while, the people in charge refuse to interfere unless someone needs medical attention, or they have some sadistic game they want to play.

If only there was some place, some sort of social institution that had similar conditions, which might give us some clue as to how this might turn out. But clearly none exists. Except, maybe… Nawww, that’d be an unfair comparison. Right? I mean…

Prison?

Of course! Now there’s a textbook example of how adversity destroys race lines! Walk into any prison today, and you’ll see race isn’t an issue. It’s a fucking rainbow coalition in there! Everyone working together to overcome adversity, completely color blind. It’s friggin’ inspirational, is what it is.

But some people aren’t so happy about this. The Hispanics seem to be the most outspoken against it. [3] Those upset seem to fall into two camps. The first is concerned that the burden of representing an ethnicity is unfairly placed on the 5 Hispanic contestants. Ok, that’s reasonable, the producers could easily game the system to make an ethnicity look good or bad, by casting more or less capable contestants. [4] Perhaps they’re concerned Mark Burnett took a pickup truck down to Home Depot and said (in Spanish), “The first 5 to hop in the back get $20 an hour!” Done and done.

The second camp is pissed that the bookies have set the odds at 3:1 against them. [gambling911.com [5]] My guess is that the bookies did some research and found out Burnett did not do casting at Home Depot, ’cause that tribe would kick everyone’s ass. And they’d all stick together, mainly due to the language barrier.

Still others have pointed out that, all of a sudden, the word “tribe” is starting to sound racially insensitive. This might explain why there’s no American Indian tribe: too obvious.

Well, I’m certainly curious as to how this will turn out. [6] To be honest, I think a really interesting experiment would be to start the teams out desegregated. Say, 5 teams of 5 (add in Middle Easterners), where each team has one person of each ethnicity. When the new tribes were formed, would they remain desegregated? I posit this: the producers were too chicken to find out.

[1] I’m not sure if they complainers are saying the Survivor casts’ ethnic makeup isn’t representative of society at large, or they just don’t know what “minority” means. For better or worse, the US is about 80% white, so for a cast of 20 you’d expect 16 whites and 4 non-whites. I’m not being racist, just crazy awesome at math.

[2] Which is why you should get all your news from The Crack Team.

[3] Unfortunately, I only have the media as a source.

[4] And I can almost guarantee that’s the first thing certain members of the losing race/ethnicity will claim.

[5] Motto: “Help, I can’t stop gambling!”

[6] Almost enough to finally watch an episode of Survivor.

The most famous covert organization in the world.