The trick with fortune cookies and horoscopes is that they are vague enough to shoehorn the specifics of your life to match them, whatever those specifics may be. It occurred to me that Internet dating profiles are the same way. She says she’s looking for someone who’s fun and has a great sense of humor and likes to travel. That pretty much narrows it down to “human”. Everyone thinks reasonably well of themselves, otherwise they’re not posting a public profile.
Even the part that lists specific requirements like age and height and body type are squinted at until they match the reader. She wants someone no older than 40, but she’s 38, so the 47 year old man thinks, “I’m good enough” (and if she has kids, he’s right). He wants someone of average or slender build and she thinks, “Why, that’s what I put on my profile!” Um, yeah, about that.
Dating profiles are sales brochures and daters are used car salesmen. Honesty is out the window because it would never get you anywhere. If I lived in a world where honesty was rewarded instead of punished, here is the profile I would write: Continue reading Fortune Cookies, Horoscopes, and Dating Profiles→
I’ve added a guide section (look to the left) and inaugurated it with a Barbecue and Grilling Equipment Buyer’s Guide. You can leave comments on guide pages just like any other post. I hope you find it useful.
I was a huge fan of Robin Williams due to Mork & Mindy, which was in its third season when the movie premiered. In addition to the fun and wacky antics the trailer showed, I was especially intrigued because it was rated R – apparently for something involving sex. I really wanted to see this movie. Of course, there was no way my parents would let me watch it.
Tonight, 26 years later, I finally watched it. I’m sure I had many opportunities to do so in between, but something kept me from it. I think I knew it couldn’t live up to the hype my 9 year old brain had generated. Even though I tried to lower my expectations, I was disappointed. It’s based on a John Irving novel that was a major best seller at the time, and after reading some comments by those who’ve seen/read both (including Ebert’s review), it lost a bit in the translation and didn’t add anything to make up for it. It’s less fun and sexy and more slow and tragic than I could have ever imagined from watching the trailer. Not bad, per se, but not something I’d recommend to anyone who hasn’t read the book.
Not long after being denied Garp, I was shooed out of the room during a bestial orgy scene in The Howling. I remember pouting like crazy. Of course, I was allowed to watch the rest of the film, including a scene where a werewolf, in human form, is shot in the forehead, then reaches into the bullet hole and pulls out some brain whilst spouting the line, “Let me give you a piece of my mind.” Violence? No problem.
Other sexually charged films I was desperately curious about (and which still remain on my yet-to-see list) are Cat People (the 1982 remake) and The Unbearable Lightness of Being (which I’ve begun reading). I distinctly remember passing the latter in the video store again and again, never having the guts to attempt a covert rental. The remarkable thing – other than the early 80’s being a big era for such films – is that these are films many adults wouldn’t fully comprehend (or at least only superficially). I imagine there were a few 9 year olds in 2001 maddeningly curious about Mulholland Drive, a film I’m still not sure I get. Perhaps it’s best that I waited…
Relax, I haven’t become a tree hugger, nor am I swearing off oral sex. My problem is that every damned time I go to the men’s room, there’s somebody in the other stall humming.
And it’s not always the same guy, either. Different people. It’s really disconcerting when you’re trying to pinch a loaf and there’s someone 2 1/2 feet away just getting to the bridge of “My Heart Must Go On.” I mean, really now. Is this necessary? I can still detect (how could I not) what smells like you’ve dragged a rotting corpse into the stall with you, and I can still hear, over the humming, what sounds like a fireworks display, or like you’re violating the aforementioned rotting corpse. Enough, already!
On that note, I’m off to find the Times and a set of earplugs.
This article lists the times taken for the moves of the 1972 Fischer-Spassky World Chess Championship Match.
Game 9, August 1st, 1972
Spassky Fischer
White Black
(ar) (0:10)
1. d4 (0:00) Nf6 (0:12)
(When Fischer appeared, Spassky had already left and did not come back until 4 minutes after Fischer's move.)
(ar) (0:04)
2. c4 (0:04) e6 (0:13)
3. Nf3 (0:05) d5 (0:14)
4. Nc3 (0:06) c5 (0:22)
5. cxd5 (0:07) Nxd5 (0:22) Continue reading The 1972 Fischer – Spassky Times for Game 9→
