Category Archives: Television

CW HD (Finally!) Arrives at TWC

This is the story of a Christmas miracle.

One of the great cable company mysteries here in Southern California was, “why doesn’t Time Warner Cable offer the WB (Warner Brothers) in high definition?” It was very frustrating for me, as the two shows I most wanted to see in HD were Smallville (for high def Lana Lang, whose super power is to withstand extreme closeups with her flawless features) and Enterprise (for high def Sub-Commander T’Pol, who never actually commanded a sub, but did run around in skimpy clothes whilst applying sparkly creams [NSFW]). Alas, Enterprise got canceled, and UPN merged with the WB to become CW1, and still no HD!

Well, last night I was pleasantly surprised to discover that CW (aka KTLA) is now available in HD on channel 405! I went to change all my series recordings on my DVR and was reminded that Smallville is still the only show I watch on that network. [EDIT: How could I forget about Reaper? It’s got Missy Peregrym [sexydesktop.co.uk] who’s also a babe, and also appeared in Smallville (and Heroes, as the incredible changing hottie).]

Fortunately, Kristin Kreuk is still flawless.

Kristin Kreuk

  1. Named, of course, for CBS and Warner Bros. And no, I’m not joking, it’s a 50/50 ownership split. []

Dave Attell and Louis CK

Just a quick recommendation for two hilarious HBO comedy specials: Dave Attell: Captain Miserable and Louis CK – Shameless. Attell’s special just aired and will be in reruns for a while. Shameless came out almost a year ago, but I think it’s still available on HBO On Demand. If not, you can rent it on DVD.

I’m not sure I’d call this filthy comedy, but after watching them you’ll never look at whale semen or duck vaginas in the same light… On second thought, it’s filthy.

Media Center PCs, Big Monitors, DVRs, and CableCARDs

So every once in a while I try to justify the purchase of a 30″ widescreen monitor that I don’t really need. Since there appears to be an inevitable housing shakeup here at CTHQ-OC1, I have to deal with a possible loss of home theater. That seems reason enough to justify spending $1,300 on a new monitor/TV. I could move the PC to my bedroom and have a private home theater. But how to power it?

I’d seen some cheap Windows XP and Vista Media Center PCs, so that seemed reasonable. The last thing I really need is another computer, since I just bought one. It’s fast with a great case and a 500W power supply – why not upgrade this one?

Because it’s impossible! Thank you, Microsoft and CableLabs!

Ok, some clarification. You can add an HD tuner and capture card. It will capture over-the-air signals (antenna) and basic cable. But they can’t do digital cable, so no HBO or any channel over 100. Frankly, I don’t really watch stuff above channel 100, but I do watch HBO2.

It’s at this point things go downhill. To watch digital cable, you need a digital cable tuner (DCT). In it you place a CableCARD you get from your cable company. Then you can watch and record most of the channels you now get with your set top box. I’ll explain “most” later.

This exists in the form of the ATI TV Wonder™ Digital Cable Tuner. This comes as an internal card or external peripheral and integrates with Vista Media Center. It runs about $250 either way. However, it can only be attached to PCs certified by CableLabs. This is from an agreement with Microsoft, and requires the system builder to add extra firmware to support DRM.

As you might imagine, this severely limits your choices, mainly to major vendors like Dell, Gateway, and HP. Even then, it is a bear to find them. Dell had it available on the XPS 410. When that was replaced with the XPS 420, the option went away – from all their machines. [Insert 420 joke here.] HP has it on some series like the m9000t and d4995t. Sony has it on the XL3. You’ll see a common theme across vendors, though: it’s only available on their most powerful – and expensive – machines. Makes sense since they have to certify the damn things. The other reason is common in sales: you have to make that extra $500 for two tuners seem reasonable, and it won’t until you’re spending a lot for the PC itself. Wait, did I say two tuners? Ah yes, I did.

Because it gets worse. There are 3 types of CableCARDs:

  • SCard, aka single stream card
    It’s a CableCARD 1.0 spec card that can only decode one channel of TV at a time.
  • MCard, aka MS-Card, aka multiple stream card
    Also CableCARD 1.0, but can decode up to 6 channels of television at a time
  • CableCARD 2.0
    Pretty much mythical at this point, but will offer “interactive” features. More on this later.

Of course, the TV Wonder DCT appears to only support SCards3. This means if you want to record 2 channels at the same time, like my Time Warner-provided Scientific Atlanta Explorer 8300HD can do, you need to buy 2 DCTs and rent 2 CableCards from your cable company.

At $500+ on tuners, I’m starting to consider the Tivo HD:

  • Records 2 digital cable streams at once and works with an MCard
  • Programmable from the Internet
  • Integrates with your PC
    • watch Tivo’d stuff on your PC
    • play PC vids and music on your Tivo
  • Works with Rhapsody
  • Only costs $300 (plus monthly fees)

But it gets worser. Another thing I can do with my set top box is watch video on demand (VOD) channels. TW gives you many free VOD channels like NBC, Cartoon Network, HBO, BBC America, etc. This is really great when the DVR misses something, or there’s nothing on TV because of, let’s say, a writer’s strike.

Unfortunately, that’s only possible with CableCARD 2.0, which nobody currently supports, not even Tivo. So once again, my $10/month Time Warner DVR seems to be the logical choice.

But it gets worserer. The 30″ displays have the following inputs: DVI-D and… that’s it! To my knowledge, no DVR has DVI-D output, so you can’t add one. And only the 27″ (1920 x 1200) displays accept component, HDMI, etc. A friend suggested Slingbox, but while it can input HD signals, it does not stream anything of high def quality.

[Edit: Ignore the following paragraph and read DoubleDeuce’s comments on HDMI and the 8300HD.]
BTW, the 8300HD does have HDMI output. However, it assumes you’ll be using HMDI for both video and audio, so it cuts off the normal digital audio output4. Therefore, if you connect it to a monitor via HDMI, you get no sound or analog sound – your choice! So you either have to connect via component if your monitor supports that, or use this as an excuse to buy a receiver with HDMI switching.

In conclusion, here are your options as I see them:

Big screen, little channels

  • 30″ LCD
  • existing PC with a graphics card capable of 2560 x 1600
  • HD tuner card like the ATI 6505
  • indoor HD antenna
  • basic cable
  • forget about digital cable, VOD, HBO, etc.

Big and expensive

  • 30″ LCD
  • new HTPC with dual DCTs and CableCARDs
  • indoor HD antenna
  • digital cable and any premium channels you want
  • forget about VOD, PPV, etc.
  • almost certainly stuck with Vista!

Size doesn’t matter

  • 27″ or smaller LCD with HDMI or component inputs
  • HD DVR
  • digital cable and any premium channels you want
  • forget about VOD, PPV, etc. (if you’re getting a Tivo)
  • extra monthly fees for TV listings (again, if you’re getting a Tivo)

Size REALLY matters – buy a friggin’ TV

  1. Agent Assassin is relocating for a long term mission in El Segundo, leaving me to find a new place or new housemate []
  2. Although there’s precious little worth watching right now []
  3. I’m starting to think the S stands for Shitty []
  4. Thanks to Agent Doubledeuce for this info. Hopefully a firmware patch has corrected this, but I’m not aware of one. []
  5. A feature length article could be written just on OTA and QAM tuner cards. Perhaps I’ll have to write that next. []

Au Revoir, Très Bien

So by now you know that Très Bien has been voted off the fantastic Agent Mystery-produced show The Next Great American Band. If you dug their 60s rock, well, you really should be listening to The Zombies or The Yardbirds. But if you’re holding fast to some weird, self-imposed rule that your 60s rock must have been created in the last decade or so, check out The Hentchmen1. They recently re-released Hentch-Forth.Five featuring Jack White. You can enjoy it without breaking any of your stupid rules.

  1. Note the T in the name. Otherwise you’ll find Henchmen, and wonder why I suggested them. []

Heroes, 30 Rock, The Office Hits Netflix

Variety reports that Netflix will be offering Heroes, 30 Rock, and The Office the day after being broadcast. It appears you’ll be able to view them on your PC through Netflix streaming or rent them on DVD. You can already view them at NBC.com, but with commercials you can’t skip (and rewinding will play them again). I’m assuming the Netflix versions will be commercial-free. I already watch these via DVR, but it’s a nice backup plan if I miss one.

Night Man vs. Day Man

If you haven’t been watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you’re really missing out. Here are a couple scenes from last week’s episode when the guys formed a band. Listen carefully to the lyrics. Warning: the lyrics and dialogue might not be safe for work.

Night Man

Here’s the follow-up song, Day Man:

Here’s a photo of the original lyrics to Night Man:

Night Man Lyrics

If you couldn’t understand the original, here’s a transcription:

Night Man Sneaky And Mean!
Thunder inside my dreams, I think I love you
You make me wanna cry, make me wanna die
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you night man
Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms
And ya pin me down and I try to fight you
You come inside and you come inside me and fill me up.

Just two men sharing the night
It might seem wrong but its just right
Its just two men sharing each other
Its just two men like loving brothers
One on top and one on bottom
One inside and one is out
One is screaming he’s so happy
The other screams in a passionate shout
Its the night man
The feeling so wrong and right man
The feeling so wrong and right man
I cant fight you man when you come inside me
You pin me down with your strong hands
And i become the night
The passionate passionate night man

I Need More Yvonne Strahovski

So I’ve been watching the TV show Chuck [ Amazon ]. I do not, in any way, wish to raise your expectations of this show, which is executive produced by Ally McG. He’s the guy who brought us Charlie’s Angels and Charlie’s Angels 2: Please Make It Stop. Again, this is from a guy who insists on calling himself McG, and looks like [fratboy image removed], so I don’t think I’m stretching it by calling him a douchebag. Feel free to call me a hypocrite; just remember that I didn’t make Charlie’s Angels 2.

But the fact is, I find the show amusing. And I find myself wanting Yvonne Strahovski, like, crazy bad. It doesn’t hurt that they get her into a swimsuit or lingerie or a German barmaid outfit outfit every show, without fail. Sometimes all 3. And they make her wear the barmaid outfit while working at a hot dog place, so clearly their priorities are in the right place (hotness > logic).

Yvonne Strahovski

Unfortunately, the show’s been on a whole month and I still don’t see her in Maxim, FHM, Barely Legal, etc. So if you don’t mind, I need you to watch the show just to get the ratings up so she’s asked to do some hot pictorials so I can have a background for my Windows desktop. Again, the show is amusing, and it’s gotten better since McGonagall stopped directing it. And she is just so freakin’ adorable…

Yvonne Strahovski