Bill Hader’s impersonation of a creepy Keith Morrison from Dateline kills me. I’ve never seen Keith Morrison, but I would watch his segments if he acted like this. The second video has Tracy Morgan as a serial killer.
Category Archives: Humor
Transforminators: Roll Out!
Damn Transforminators! You’ll get my sand when you take it from my cold, dead hands!
Dr. Ronald Chevalier
Dr. Ronald Chevalier, author of all 10 Cyborg Harpies trilogies, invites you to his web sanctum. I especially enjoyed his pre-pubescent works in the gallery. Here are some videos to better prepare yourself for Dr. Chevalier’s unique style. Remember, always protect your precious seed.
The Art of Relaxating
The Art of Inspiring Oneself
The Crappiest Generation of Spoiled Idiots
Louis CK on Conan O’Brien, once again proving he’s one of our greatest comedians.
Christian Bale’s New Dance Hit
Caution: none of these links are safe for work. One has a photo of RuPaul. Be safe.
Christian Bale recently got, um, peeved, when the DP ruined another scene on the set of Terminator 4 by walking through it. Not one to waste such great material from a talented artist, music producer Lucian Piane turns lemons into lemonade. By which I mean he turns profanity into a club hit.
You can download the Bale Out MP3 here.
Sushi Restaurant Etiquette Guide
I have studied Japanese and eaten at many, many Japanese/sushi restaurants, yet I learned several new things from this video:
A Lifetime Of Delusions
I’ve been hearing radio commercials for something called Flirting With Forty starring Heather Locklear. It is, unsurprisingly, a Lifetime movie. According to the commercials, Locklear plays a lonely single mom who just turned 40 (even though Locklear is 47). While on vacation, she meets a much younger guy who’s all over her. Apparently, in Lifetime movies, this is how guys in their late 20’s think:
She’s 13 years older than me AND she’s got kids? Sounds a little too good to be true. There’s gotta be a catch! But I’ll stick with her and show her complete devotion until the other shoe drops. Seriously, though, how can she be single? Her husband must’ve died hours ago…
Lifetime is the female equivalent of the Spice Channel.
Being Vinny Vedecci
While I’m being lazy and just posting videos, here’s another great one featuring Bill Hader and John Malkovich. And yes, Malkovich does sound like that.
And I Jizz In My Pants
I finally saw the last SNL and the highlight was the Lonely Island music video Jizz In My Pants. Not terribly safe for most corporate environments, but the funniest video since Dick In A Box. This one stars Andy Samberg and Lonely Island cohort Jorma Taccone, with cameos from Justin Timberlake, Molly Sims, and Jamie-Lynn Sigler. I guess she’s in NYC visiting Turtle.
Also worth checking out are these tips on talking to girls, offered by a 9 year old. They were startlingly accurate:
If you liked those, check out these other Lonely Island and SNL videos.
Decoding The Personals
Wherein we suffer through the personal ads so you don’t have to. The phrases are all from personal ads; the translations are mine. Feel free to add or amend.
Sensitive: Will cry at the drop of a hat.
Upbeat: Takes antidepressants.
Healthy: Herpes in remission.
Lonely: Needy.
Smart: Doesn’t use hairspray in pits, brush with KY Jelly.
Intelligent: Can and will misquote Shakespeare for all occasions.
Sleepless In…: Has seen too many Nora Ephron movies to be trusted.
Romantic: Spend lots, spend often, or else.
Enjoys Finer Things In Life: And you thought “Romantic” was expensive.
Spiritual: Will latch onto every New Age trend du jour; owns extensive self-help library. Has crystals collecting dust atop Celestine Prophecy in closet.
Sincere: Self-absorbed as hell, but coated in a veneer of “caring.” Makes eye contact, nods appreciatively. Big whoop.
Serious Replies Only: Marry me, or else. These are the people who, after a one-night stand, will tearfully exclaim, “But I thought we were going to get married!” Continue reading Decoding The Personals