What if Michael Bay wrote the screenplay for The Dark Knight? A hilarious exploration on what that would look like. It’s uncannily – and sadly – spot on.
Category Archives: Film
Musings on The Golden Compass
Well, it’s no secret that I was not a big fan of the movie “The Golden Compass” even before it came out. I knew that it was derived from a book of the same name, which was part of a trilogy written by Philip Pullman, a self-described atheist. There was also the fact that the series is known as His Dark Materials trilogy, and that there was a running thread in the books that was anti-religious. I don’t have a problem with that, but I did have a problem with God being terminated by the series’ young protagonists in book 3. Pretty intense stuff for a children’s series.
But there’s a couple of things that merit a revisit to this movie. One is the fact that I was a big fan of “The Chronicles of Narnia” which is a series that is an unabashedly pro-Christian allegory1. I did not want to favor one point of view without giving a chance to its opposite. There was the fact that I don’t want to dismiss an entire series based on hearsay. Finally, there’s the fact that Roger Ebert had given the movie 4 stars. I had to check this movie out.
I recently had the opportunity to view the DVD of the movie recently, and I can see why Mr. Ebert admired its production values; they are exquisite.
The concepts were brilliantly illustrated on the screen, and as Roger writes “As a visual experience, it is superb.”
But I cannot recommend the movie. As beautiful as it is to behold, it failed its first test when one of my kids asked me when the movie was going to be over. This is the equivalent of the dreaded looking-at-your-watch syndrome while watching a movie at the theatre. Now, I’ve been in movies that are slow moving and require extreme patience, so a measured pace has never bothered me. My issues with the movie lie elsewhere.
Spoilers follow:
Continue reading Musings on The Golden Compass
- see my previous article http://www.crackteam.org/2006/04/23/its-obvious-episode-1-narnia-for-dummies/ [↩]
Wall-E in DLP
Yesterday I braved the crowds and the alarming number of children at the theatre, attending this movie. Kids at a children’s movie, what a concept. However, the movie was a real pleasure and definitely worth a viewing.
More importantly, I found myself in a DLP theatre, by mere circumstance. Wall-E in DLP is a real pleasure, and not to be missed. Couple that with a very generous admission price of 5.00 before 6PM and I had an all-around great experience. The theater is located in La Palma, Orange County. You can find it by going to the DLP website and searching your local area code. As always, my only gripe is that the theatre does not list the DLP theatre separately from its print counterparts, so you have to call ahead to find out where you need to be before the 6PM bell tolls. Try DLP, you’ll like it.
I also experienced that rarity: a breakdown in the DLP projector halfway through the movie. However, I can report that unlike the days of old, the system reboot only took a few seconds; no need to bring up the houselights while the white-clad team of repairmen descended on the clean room housing the projector. The movie continued and I can report that it’s worth your time.
I’ll let someone else with a good graphics background report on the movie itself. I am only an awe-struck theatre-goer that appreciates quality work.
Bigger, Stronger, Faster Review
This was an eye-opening documentary on steroids. There was a lot of info here, exploring the issue from many angles, and I learned a lot. Documentarian Chris Bell makes it personal with family interviews; both of this brothers are steroid users, which of course is a real shock when they’ve got nicknames like Mad Dog and Smelly. Bell makes it clear he’s been morally opposed to steroids his whole life. I don’t know if his situation injected bias or not, as I don’t know how it was edited or what was left out. In the end, though, I think viewers will be more likely to try steroids than they were before watching this.
This is because the film portrays the short term effects as mostly reversible, provided you’ve got a penis, or aren’t afraid to grow one if you don’t. It can’t list any long term effects because there’s a wholesale ban on steroids, so we will never be able to study them. This leaves the audience with a list of the long term effects such as having your own reality series (Hulk Hogan), becoming a movie star (Sylvester Stallone), or being elected governor (Elliot Spitzer Schwarzenegger). Hmm, I guess it could be use for sports, too.
The only way I can think to combat this is to point out that chicks don’t dig overmuscled meatheads, and steer them towards eating disorders instead. Of course, with cheerleaders literally getting their panties in a bunch over some roided out football player, this could be an uphill battle.
The Visitor
I saw The Visitor over the weekend and can recommend it. It’s a touching story that raises awareness about immigration in this country, which has become quite difficult, even for honest people. I also really dug the drum music in the film. To learn more, watch the trailer or visit the film’s page at the IMDB.
NOTE: You’ll be seeing more of these micro-reviews from me, which I hope add value.
Iron Man is Solid
I got a chance to take a break from school and took a look at Iron Man over the weekend. I thought it was awesome. I don’t know much, if anything, about the comic book so I don’t know how faithful the story was, but the plot was good, the action was great, the CG was great, and I thought Robert Downey Jr. was great.
Just be sure to sit through the end of the credits!
Priceless Review
In Priceless, Audrey Tautou says that charm is better than looks. “Looks can be resisted, charm cannot.” Priceless has charm in spades.
I’m not one of those guys who throws around terms like “delightful comedy” (unless I’m being ironic). But that just about sums up this film.
In Amelie, Audrey Tautou showed us she can be uniquely cute better than just about anyone. Here, she shows us sexy. She is practically naked the entire film, by way of dresses with sheer and/or very little fabric, and her glorious refusal to wear a bra. Also, she is sometimes just naked. Bravo!
Also, she can act. Not too far into the film I’m thinking, “I really don’t like her character.” I was concerned for the film, because how am I supposed get into a romantic comedy when I don’t know why the guy is pursuing this girl? But it’s not long before she, too, shows us what charm is. Yes, the screenwriters get credit for this, too, but it still requires the right actress to make us change our minds.
Gad Elmaleh is great as Jean, a bartender who falls for Tautou, a girl way above his pay grade. His father was a mime, and you can see him channeling Chaplin in this film. After watching him in this, I’ve moved The Valet to the top of my Netflix queue.
Now, some caveats. This is a French film. I don’t just mean the dialogue is in French1, I mean the comedy, tone, setting, etc. I’m a big fan of foreign films, especially French; you may not be. At the same time, if you’re expecting Amelie, which is off-the-charts charming and quirky, you’ll be disappointed. But it is quirky, and fun, and… You know. Delightful.
- Except for “pick-me-up” and “sunny-side up”, which have apparently been assimilated into the French language. [↩]
I Hate Diablo Cody
Boy do I hate Diablo Cody, the screenwriter. But this is going to be a long-term project, for she does seem to have some talent. It’s a backhanded compliment; just take it, as it is the best I can do. And please notice that I recognize her as a screenwriter.
She had a great debut with the screenplay for the movie “Juno” –a movie that I fully intended to dislike– and the Hollywood community agreed by giving her the Oscar this year. The movie was not too bad, a lot better than I expected, and I went in with totally negative expectations. Her future output should be rather good and if the quality stays constant she’ll do great.
But I hate her new name, Diablo Cody. It smacks of pretention; you could have done better, Diablo Cody. If you wanted to make a statement and have your work speak for you, I would have chosen a name like Jane Smith or better yet, Jane Doe Smith. It would have been a hoot to see a Jane Smith walk up to the podium to accept the Oscar, dressed in the nouveau-goth attire and sporting that annoying, gigantic tattoo that screams “Notice Me !!” That would have been ballsy.
But you took the easy way out and stayed in your post-stripper mentality, choosing a moniker that screams “Attitude entering the room” I really resent your presenting the stripper world as the ninth level of Hell On Earth; if you’d come up through the world of coal-mining in Virginia I would have a little more sympathy. As it is, you made your living through the habits of needy, creepy men (present company excepted) that frequent strip bars. Not really the noblest profession on earth. So saying that you’ve paid your dues sounds rather hollow.
But I’m only one person and this is just my opinion. After you produce a few more outstanding screenplays, I will probably forgive you and forget this piece. But you’ll always be Jane Smith in my heart.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
When I recently read about a Clone Wars cartoon, I thought I might have accidentally stumbled on an old article. I remembered the Emmy winning 2003 Clone Wars cartoon. Now Lucas has created another Clone Wars cartoon. Stupid mistake on my part; the original was called Star Wars: Clone Wars, while the new show as a completely different name – Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Both take place between episodes II and III.
The official site has a trailer and a video intro to the series.
Overall, the animation looks like they did it with a video game rendering engine, embellished in parts. Perhaps they’re borrowing technology from The Force Unleashed. Of course, it sure sounds like Star Wars.
“Deathly Hallows” – Parts I & II
Variety reports that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be made into two movies, with the second to be released 6 months after the first.
For those not familiar with the books (no spoilers here), they keep getting bigger. By the fourth book, Goblet of Fire, Rowling was including enough material for two films. In fact, director Mike Newell was planning on splitting it when Alfonso Cuarón (director of Prisoner of Azkaban) convinced him it would be better to cut out tons of material and make one movie.
I was pissed, as were many (most?) other Potter fans. The movie turned out good, but when Order of the Phoenix was released, I think it became too obvious that subplots were missing, as well as chunks of the main plot. It felt very rushed.
So when I read that Hallows will be split I got pissed off again – because this means Half-Blood Prince won’t be split! Which only gives me 3 more shots at getting tickets to a premier and hitting on Emma Watson. Who, by the way, turns 18 next month. Just saying.