Category Archives: Film

Film

All Hail The Zombie Apocalypse!

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Listen up, because there isn’t much time.1 The 3rd best movie this year – and second funnest – is about to leave theaters. That movie is Zombieland and it is awesome.

First of all, it’s not a horror-comedy. It’s about as scary as playing the original House of the Dead in a well lit Dave & Busters. But it is a terrific action-comedy, chock full ass-kicking and clever humor. The cast is small, but the choices were inspired.

This movie made me look forward to a Zombie apocalypse. Of course, I soon realized I’d be one of the fatties who’d get eaten first, but it’s motivating me to resolve that. It’s time to pick up a zombie survival guide and start a fireman or baseball player exercise regimen. That will really help when you run out of bullets and need to start swinging an axe or a bat or a banjo. It will also help if I ever get a shot at Emma Stone. And, dear Lord up in Heaven, do I want a shot at Emma Stone.

So seriously, hurry up and catch this. You may only have until Thursday; even now, it’s only playing a couple times a night at our local megaplex. Time is running out!

zombieland_poster

  1. Even less time because stupid fucking WordPress didn’t post this when I wrote it several days ago. [↩]
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Film

The New A-Team Cast

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The A-Team movie will be out in 2010, and the word is that it will be more serious than the TV show. Sounds like they are trying to be more like Miami Vice and less like Starsky and Hutch. I’m anxious to see how this will turn out, especially now that the main cast has been announced.

John “Hannibal” Smith: Liam Neeson
In (much) earlier versions, George Clooney was in talks to play Hannibal. Clooney would do campy well, but for some reason I like Neeson better as a more serious colonel. He seems to go well with cigars.
liam-neeson

Templeton “Faceman” Peck: Bradley Cooper
I’m used to him playing the wimp (Alias) or the bully (everything else). But I think he can find some middle ground.
bradley-cooper

B.A. Baracus: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson
No, this is not the Junk Yard Dog. But close.
rampage-jackson-chain

“Howling Mad” Murdock: Sharlto Copley
A.K.A. Wikus Van De Merwe from District 9, the second best movie this year. He proved he can do crazy, but can he do an American accent?
sharlto-copley

Some chick Faceman used to bang: Jessica Biel
I did not have to go further than my hard drive for this photo.
Jessica Biel

There was a time I hoped for an original cast. I mean, the show ended in ’87 and they’ve been talking about a movie for years. And Mr. T has aged well. But all in all, I think they made some good choices.

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Film

Tarantino’s Top 20

Most people know I’m a huge Tarantino fan. He’s probably the first director to pop in my mind when people ask who my favorite director (or film) is. So it’s really interesting (to me, at least) to hear what he thinks is a great film, especially since his taste is all over the place. In anticipation of Inglorious Basterds, here is Quentin Tarantino listing his favorite 20 films since 1992 – the year he started directing.

Here are links for each film. They are indeed nefarious affiliate links to Amazon, but hey, gotta pay the hosting bills, and at least there won’t be confusion over the films (e.g., you won’t buy Blade with Wesley Snipes thinking it’s a Tarantino fave). And if you’re interested in seeing any of these, send me a message and I’ll be happy to host a viewing at my place. Assuming I actually know you.

Battle Royale
Anything Else – Woody Allen is another favorite of mine, and Christina Ricci is always fabulous.
Audition
Boogie Nights
Dazed & Confused – Also in my top 20.
Dogville
Fight Club
Friday
The Host
The Insider – This was good, but for Michael Mann I prefer Heat.
J.S.A. – Joint Security Area
Lost in Translation – One of my favorites, too.
The Matrix – The sequels sucked, but at least the soundtracks were awesome.
Memories of Murder
Supercop (Police Story 3) – I was a huge Jackie Chan film back in college, and this is perhaps his best. The soundtrack is great, too!
Shaun of the Dead – Personally, I prefer Hot Fuzz.
Speed
Team America: World Police
Unbreakable – The only disappointment here is that it was supposed to be a trilogy, but instead M. Night Shamalama ding dong pumps out crap like The Village and The Happening. And films that weren’t supposed to be trilogies, like The Matrix, get two lame sequels. So sad…

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BTW, Film

Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince: IMAX 3D

Just a quick note that Half Blood Prince is worth seeing in IMAX 3D. I thought the last movie was, too. The difference is that instead of the 20 minute 3D finale we got in Order of the Phoenix, we get a 13 minute 3D starting sequence. Still, extremely well done. And I thought the movie was great, especially considering all the material from the book that had to be thrown out.

Oh, if you’re not familiar with Harry Potter, here are some American Dad clips that pretty much sum it up:

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Film

Outlander, seriously OUTLANDER

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Take a bunch of vikings, add some space monsters, throw in Jim Caviezel to kick some ass, and Fallout Boy for no reason (other than Ron Perlman is awesome, and they need to make another Hell Boy movie ASAP), and you have Outlander, the best movie that Hollywood decided I didn’t need to see in a theater.  No, my home theater system didn’t let me down, but this movie deserved the big screen.   The 13th Warrior was awesome on the big screen, and great 70 more times at home, thanks in no small part to that first big screen awesomeness aftertaste.

This time though, they just decided to not waste all that money on previews and advertising, put it out in “limited release”, and then let us all just grab it on Netflix based on idiots like me doing their advertising.  If you didn’t deserve to see this, I would tell them to screw off, but you do, even if they don’t deserve your patronage.

No, it wasn’t full of the best special effects or stunning dialogue, but the vikings also didn’t wear cow horns on their helmets.  It wasn’t over the top and epic like hollywood seems to believe is all we want, but rather, more like a good book.  There were just enough key characters to be interesting, and just enough character development to make you care a tad bit when they get chomped.  Really though, if you are going to enjoy this movie, you are probably already sold.  If not, get back to playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure.

outlander1

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Everything Else, Film, Humor, Politics, Rants, Television

Zoe Saldana VS. Sonia Sotomayor

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One is a prominent Latina female.   The other is trying to get into the Supreme Court. You be the judge as to who will have a longer lasting effect on the American people.

Sonia Sotomayor     VS.   Zoe Saldana

My vote is with Zoe.  She is from the Dominican Republic and is a living embodiment of the richness of African culture that came to the Caribbean and still influences the culture there. And she looks extremely hot in the Starfleet issue miniskirt and booties.  A worthy successor to the lovely Communications Officer, Lt. Nichelle Nichols, and I believe Zoe speaks fluent Spanish.

On the other hand, we have an outspoken, intelligent Latina female, Sonia Sotomayor.  She has been called a “racist”  by the right-wing but I do not concur.  From her isolated comments, I make her out to be more of a mysandrist1  But she is going into a Supreme Court slot that is being vacated by another liberal-leaner, Justice Souter, so her positions2 should not make much of a difference in upcoming court decisions.  She will be outspoken, though, so it will be nice to hear a strident counterpoint to the pontificating statements of conservative Justice Scalia.

My score: 

Zoe Saldana (1) for a fantastic Star Trek franchise debut.   

Sonia Sotomayor (-1) for inflamatory statements that were issued when she was not open to micro-scrutiny as she is now.   Once she gets coronated as a Justice, I’ll reset her at (0).     I’ll give her (+2) rightaway if she trounces Scalia at the weekly Supreme Court Poker game. 3

  1. Definition: a hater of males.  In this case, white males. [↩]
  2. Normally, I would now digress into  positions held by Zoe Saldana, but I’m not familiar with her record  : )  [↩]
  3. Always bet your hidden aces; do not try to trap or you’ll get your dream pair cracked by trip deuces or some such tripe [↩]
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Film

Movie Roundup (spoiler-free)

I’m lazy, so here are some 30-second movie reviews:

Star Trek: The IMAX Experience – First, there’s no reason to see this in IMAX, as there are no large format shots like in The Dark Knight. Second, keep in mind that I’m a Star Trek fan (I’ve seen all the movies, and even every episode of Voyager and Enterprise), but not a scholar. The movie starts out great, but as I saw more changes to the original storyline, I started questioning the writers’ choices. There are a few silly decisions for plot purposes, too. But overall, a good film, even if I’m not sure I agree with its immediate jump to #62 on the IMDB all time best list.

Angels and Demons – Starts out a bit slow, and a bit of the same old, same old. A lot like Davinci Code, but I think Davinci was more consistently paced (if significantly more blasphemous). By the third act I was hooked, though, and overall I thought it was decent.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I liked this, even though I had the same issue I wrote about last year. And in addition to the wrong sized actors, they take liberties with Wolverine’s official origin story. That said, Hugh Jackman, Liev Shreiber, Danny Huston, and Ryan Reynolds give solid performances. The rest of the supporting cast, however, doesn’t add much. If you like Wolverine, I’ve got good news: there will be four more X-Men films. They include a Wolverine sequel1, a Magneto origin, a Deadpool origin, and X-Men: First Class, which I assume to be the first group of mutants taught at Xavier’s School for the Gifted. In other words, an X-Men origin.

  1. Working title: Wolverine Does Japan [↩]
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