Humor, Television

A Lifetime Of Delusions

6 Comments

I’ve been hearing radio commercials for something called Flirting With Forty starring Heather Locklear. It is, unsurprisingly, a Lifetime movie. According to the commercials, Locklear plays a lonely single mom who just turned 40 (even though Locklear is 47). While on vacation, she meets a much younger guy who’s all over her. Apparently, in Lifetime movies, this is how guys in their late 20’s think:

She’s 13 years older than me AND she’s got kids? Sounds a little too good to be true. There’s gotta be a catch! But I’ll stick with her and show her complete devotion until the other shoe drops. Seriously, though, how can she be single? Her husband must’ve died hours ago…

Lifetime is the female equivalent of the Spice Channel.

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6 thoughts on “A Lifetime Of Delusions”

  1. Actually this WAS my mentality in my 20’s if the end-game is just the “ol’ in n’ out”.
    But as far as RELATIONSHIPS go, yeah get me the hell out of there.

    On another note of TV BS. Have you seen all those commercials where the guy completely surprises his wife with diamond jewelry or a new car NEAR Christmas but not actually on Christmas day. This never ever happens in real life. First off, I’m not just going to dump a few grand out of the bank account without running it past my wife first. I mean it’s a surprise, so she must either not have to clue about the household finances OR they are so rich she could just get diamonds any time she wants, why bother with the surprise?
    And a car as a surprise gift? Besides the money issues I just went over, I’m not going to try to guess what kind of car she wants, color, options etc. And if I were to ask, doesn’t that ruin the surprise as well?

    Also note the scenarios in the commercials. You can tell it’s the holidays but not actually Christmas morning yet. They are out picking their tree and the guy hides the earrings on the branches. Give me a break. Since the guy just blew his load BEFORE Christmas, you think she won’t be disappointed if she doesn’t get something good ON Christmas?
    Nothing about those scenarios adds up.
    And where’s the reminder to the GIRLS to be spontanious during the holidays???????????????
    It’s because they haven’t figured out how to make the best Christmas gift a woman could give, MARKETABLE.
    Which of coarse is, a blowjob alarmclock. But we all knew that.

  3. It’s not that I WANT to dwell on it.
    I’ll be sitting next to my wife when one of those commercials comes on. She will stare dreamy-eyed and sigh when it’s over.
    That’s why it comes up. My job is to crush her dreams. It’s in the husband handbook.

  4. Just keep on reminding your spoused and other loved ones that diamonds are WORTHLESS. They are so common that we should be seeing them adorning plastic figures in the 50-cent bubble gum machines. The only reason that they are expensive is because a couple of governments in Africa are keeping the stocks artificially low.

    We are one coup-d’etat away from being able to give her that fantastic 50-carat bracelet that she wants. Just remind her of that as you give her something of real value: a promise to use the difference in price between the diamonds NOW and the diamonds LATER for a really cool gift.

  6. Logic isn’t the problem. Ever since the early 1900s evolution has introduced diamonds into female DNA. Only gene-restructuring can solve this. So even if they become abundant, companies will find a way to separate “common” diamonds from their all-new uranium laced palladium core diamonds which will surely become the only way a man can prove he loves his wife. Although surprise brand-new car gifts will still come close too.

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