So, my friend is running a half marathon for the American Stroke Association. I go to the donor form, which begins with the greatest list of titles I’ve ever seen:

— please make a selection —AdmiralAmbass. & Mrs.AmbassadorBGENBishopBishop and Mr.Bishop and Mrs.Brotherc/oCantorCantor and Mr.Cantor and Mrs.Capt.Capt. and Mrs.CDRCdr.Chap.Chaplain & Mrs.Cmdr.CMSGTCol.Col. and Mrs.CommissionerCWO4DeaconDr.Dr. & Rev.Dr. and Dr.Dr. and Mr.Dr. and Mrs.Dr. and Ms.Dr. and Rev.Drs.ElderEstate ofFatherFr.GeneralH.R.H.Hon.JudgeLt.Lt. Cmdr.Lt. Col.MajorMessrs.MissMonsignorMotherMr.Mr. and Mrs.Mr. and Ms.Mrs.Ms.MSG.Mss.Prof.Prof. and Mr.Prof. and Mrs.Prof. and Ms.RabbiRabbi and Mr.Rabbi and Mrs.Rep.Rev.Rev. and Mr.Rev. and Mrs.Rev. Dr.Rev. Dr. & Mrs.Rt. Rev.Rt. Rev. & Mr.Rt. Rev. & Mrs.SenatorSenator & Mrs.Sgt.SisterSr.TheThe Hon.The Hon. & Mr.The Hon. & Mrs.The Rev. Deacon

I can’t tell you how hard it is not to choose Admiral or Bishop, but of course all agents of The Crack Team have the title Commander (abbreviated above as both Cdr. and CDR!). Still, I can think of a few they missed:

Ayatollah
Baron
Coach
Duke
Groundskeeper
King
Lord
Master
President
Prime Minister
Queen
Sir
Chancellor
Viceroy

They make up for these omissions by simply including “The”. Think of the talk the next day:

“Blessed be! We’ve received a donation from… The Archangel! And it’s for one HUNDRED dollars!”